{"id":745,"date":"2025-02-15T21:26:35","date_gmt":"2025-02-15T21:26:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/?p=745"},"modified":"2025-02-15T21:26:35","modified_gmt":"2025-02-15T21:26:35","slug":"ben-simdi-ne-yapayim","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/ben-simdi-ne-yapayim\/","title":{"rendered":"Ben \u015fimdi ne yapay\u0131m"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\t\t<style type=\"text\/css\">\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 {\n\t\t\t\tmargin: auto;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 .gallery-item {\n\t\t\t\tfloat: left;\n\t\t\t\tmargin-top: 10px;\n\t\t\t\ttext-align: center;\n\t\t\t\twidth: 33%;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 img {\n\t\t\t\tborder: 2px solid #cfcfcf;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 .gallery-caption {\n\t\t\t\tmargin-left: 0;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t\/* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes\/media.php *\/\n\t\t<\/style>\n\t\t<div id='gallery-1' class='gallery galleryid-745 gallery-columns-3 gallery-size-thumbnail'><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/ben-simdi-ne-yapayim\/ben-simdi-ne-yapayim\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/02\/Ben-simdi-ne-yapayim-150x150.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-1-746\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-1-746'>\n\t\t\t\t\u015euan ne yapaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 bilmiyorum. 12 senelik evliyim, 3 o\u011flum var, e\u015fim bana kar\u015f\u0131 hep d\u00fcr\u00fcst davrand\u0131, yalan s\u00f6ylemez hatal\u0131 bir \u015fey yapmazd\u0131. Ama bir s\u00fcredir bayan hastal\u0131klar\u0131ndan kaynakl\u0131 tedavi g\u00f6r\u00fcyordum bu ama\u00e7la e\u015fimi biraz ihmal ettim, c.in.s.el temas ihtiyac\u0131n\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131layamismim. Ev i\u015fi yapmakta bile zorlan\u0131yordum, bana yard\u0131m etmesi amac\u0131yla bir ka\u00e7 g\u00fcnl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcne k\u0131z karde\u015fimi \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rd\u0131m, kendisi e\u015finden ayr\u0131lm\u0131\u015f annemlerle ya\u015f\u0131yordu, karde\u015fim geldi bana da \u00e7ok yard\u0131m\u0131 oluyordu, ama aniden bire benden \u00e7ok e\u015fimle ilgilenmeye ba\u015flad\u0131 bu hal beni rahats\u0131z etti, e\u015fime s\u00f6yledim ama sa\u00e7mal\u0131yorsun dedi beni susturdu. Ben hasta oldu\u011fum amac\u0131yla erken yatmak mecburiyetinde kal\u0131yordum, e\u015fime sende gel desem de gelmiyordu, k\u0131z karde\u015fimle sohbet edip film izliyorlar, yan\u0131ma \u00e7ok ge\u00e7 geliyordu. D\u00fcn gece a\u011fr\u0131lar\u0131ndan kaynakl\u0131 gene erken yatt\u0131m, e\u015fim sen git gelirim ben dedi, ila\u00e7 i\u00e7mi\u015ftim an\u0131nda uykuya dalm\u0131\u015f\u0131m, gece aniden uyand\u0131m, bir bakt\u0131m e\u015fim h\u00e2la yan\u0131ma gelmemi\u015f, sessiz sedas\u0131z kalkt\u0131m salona bakt\u0131m ama ne e\u015fim nede k\u0131z karde\u015fim yoktu, karde\u015fimin odas\u0131na do\u011fru gittim, i\u00e7erden tuhaf sesler geliyordu\u2026 Olay\u0131n tamam\u0131n\u0131 di\u011fer sayfaya ge\u00e7erek okunuyuz\u2026.\n\n\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/ben-simdi-ne-yapayim\/ds-2\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/02\/ds-1-150x150.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-1-747\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-1-747'>\n\t\t\t\tG\u00f6zlerim bir anda karanl\u0131k bir bulut gibi doldu. Kalbim sanki g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcmden s\u00f6k\u00fcl\u00fcp yere \u00e7ak\u0131lacakm\u0131\u015f gibi atmaya ba\u015flad\u0131. Kulaklar\u0131ma gelen f\u0131s\u0131lt\u0131lar, k\u0131s\u0131k sesli g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015fmeler midemi buland\u0131rd\u0131. Nefes al\u0131\u015fveri\u015flerim h\u0131zlanm\u0131\u015f, bacaklar\u0131m titremeye ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Karde\u015fimin kap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcnde durdum, elim kap\u0131 koluna uzanacak gibi oldu ama yapamismim.\n\nBir an amac\u0131yla hatal\u0131 duydu\u011fumu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmek istedim. Belki de zihnim bana bir oyun oynuyordu. Ama sonra o sesleri gene duydu\u011funda ger\u00e7ek, t\u00fcm a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla \u00fczerime \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fc. Midemde bir b\u0131\u00e7ak d\u00f6nd\u00fc, nefesim darald\u0131. Bir ismim geri att\u0131m, d\u0131\u015far\u0131 ko\u015fup gitmek istedim ama ayaklar\u0131m yere \u00e7ak\u0131lm\u0131\u015f gibiydi.\n\nBiraz daha bekleyip gene dinledim. Yan\u0131lm\u0131yordum. O an i\u00e7imdeki t\u00fcm hisler karmakar\u0131\u015f\u0131k duruma geldi. \u00d6fke, \u00fcz\u00fcnc, ihanetin o yak\u0131c\u0131 ac\u0131s\u0131\u2026 Bo\u011faz\u0131mda b\u00fcy\u00fck bir d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm olu\u015ftu, g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131m yanaklar\u0131m\u0131 sessiz sedas\u0131z \u00e7iziyordu. Nas\u0131l yapabilirlerdi? Nas\u0131l bana bu t\u00fcrsine bir ac\u0131y\u0131 reva g\u00f6rebilirlerdi?\n\nElimle kap\u0131ya vurmak istedim, i\u00e7eri dal\u0131p her \u015feyi hayk\u0131rmak\u2026 Ama sonra bir an fikire dald\u0131m. Ne de olsa ink\u00e2r edeceklerdi. Belki de ben paranoya yap\u0131yordum? Ama hay\u0131r, hissetti\u011fim her \u015fey ger\u00e7ekti.\n\nSessizce odama geri d\u00f6nd\u00fcm. Kendi yata\u011f\u0131ma oturdu\u011fumda ba\u015f\u0131m d\u00f6n\u00fcyordu. O ana kadar evlili\u011fimi m\u00fcbarek bir ba\u011f, bir emniyet esas\u0131 olarak g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm. Onca sene yan\u0131mda olan adam, hayat\u0131m\u0131 payla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m insan, bana bunu yapm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Ve i\u015fin en korkun\u00e7 yan\u0131, bunu benim can\u0131m kan\u0131m olan bir insanla yapm\u0131\u015f olmas\u0131yd\u0131.\n\nTelefonumu elime ald\u0131m. Kime ne anlatabilirdim ki? Annemi arasam, olanlara inanmazd\u0131. Arkada\u015flar\u0131m\u0131 arasam, nas\u0131l bu t\u00fcr bir utanc\u0131 anlatabilirdim? Telefonu geri b\u0131rakt\u0131m. Derin nefesler ald\u0131m.\n\nSabah\u0131 beklemeye karar verdim. O an bir \u015fey yaparsam, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeden hareket edersem, sonras\u0131n\u0131 toparlayamazd\u0131m. Ama sabah\u0131n ilk \u0131\u015f\u0131klar\u0131yla e\u015f g\u00fcd\u00fcml\u00fc ger\u00e7ekleri y\u00fczlerine vuracak, hesap soracakt\u0131m.\n\n\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl>\n\t\t\t<br style='clear: both' \/>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":746,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-745","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-foto-galeri"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/745","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=745"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/745\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":748,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/745\/revisions\/748"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/746"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=745"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=745"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=745"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}