{"id":6081,"date":"2026-04-29T21:54:11","date_gmt":"2026-04-29T21:54:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/?p=6081"},"modified":"2026-04-29T21:54:11","modified_gmt":"2026-04-29T21:54:11","slug":"kizimizin-cenazesinden-hemen-sonra-yasananlar","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/kizimizin-cenazesinden-hemen-sonra-yasananlar\/","title":{"rendered":"K\u0131z\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n cenazesinden hemen sonra ya\u015fananlar."},"content":{"rendered":"\n\t\t<style type=\"text\/css\">\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 {\n\t\t\t\tmargin: auto;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 .gallery-item {\n\t\t\t\tfloat: left;\n\t\t\t\tmargin-top: 10px;\n\t\t\t\ttext-align: center;\n\t\t\t\twidth: 33%;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 img {\n\t\t\t\tborder: 2px solid #cfcfcf;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 .gallery-caption {\n\t\t\t\tmargin-left: 0;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t\/* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes\/media.php *\/\n\t\t<\/style>\n\t\t<div id='gallery-1' class='gallery galleryid-6081 gallery-columns-3 gallery-size-thumbnail'><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon portrait'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/kizimizin-cenazesinden-hemen-sonra-yasananlar\/tg-12\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/tg-150x150.png\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-1-6082\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-1-6082'>\n\t\t\t\tK\u0131z\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n cenazesinden hemen sonra, e\u015fim \u0131srarla e\u015fyalar\u0131n\u0131 atmam\u0131 istedi. Ama odas\u0131n\u0131 temizlemeye ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131mda garip bir not buldum: \u201cAnne, e\u011fer bunu okuyorsan, art\u0131k hayatta de\u011filim demektir. Yata\u011f\u0131n alt\u0131na bak.\u201d &#x1f631;\n\nYata\u011f\u0131n alt\u0131na bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda g\u00f6rd\u00fcklerim kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda deh\u015fete kap\u0131ld\u0131m.\n\nK\u0131z\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n cenazesinden hemen sonra e\u015fim, odas\u0131n\u0131 bo\u015falt\u0131p t\u00fcm e\u015fyalar\u0131ndan kurtulmam\u0131z gerekti\u011fini s\u00f6yledi. Sadece 15 ya\u015f\u0131ndayd\u0131. Tek k\u0131z\u0131m\u0131zd\u0131.\nCenazeden sonra neredeyse hi\u00e7bir \u015fey hat\u0131rlam\u0131yordum. Sadece beyaz tabutu ve i\u00e7imdeki her \u015feyin \u00f6ld\u00fc\u011f\u00fc hissini hat\u0131rl\u0131yorum. \u0130nsanlar bir \u015feyler s\u00f6yl\u00fcyor, bana sar\u0131l\u0131yor, ba\u015fsa\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131 diliyorlard\u0131 ama onlar\u0131 duymuyordum. Sadece orada durup tek bir noktaya bak\u0131yordum.\n\nEvde e\u015fim ayn\u0131 \u015feyi tekrar tekrar s\u00f6yl\u00fcyordu:\n\u201cBunlar at\u0131lmal\u0131. Sadece ac\u0131 veriyorlar. Hayata devam etmeliyiz.\u201d\n\nBunu nas\u0131l s\u00f6yleyebildi\u011fini anlayamad\u0131m. Bunlar sadece e\u015fya de\u011fildi. O, kendisiydi. K\u0131yafetleri, kokusu, odas\u0131. Hepsini atmak, kendi \u00e7ocu\u011fuma ihanet etmek gibi geliyordu.\nUzun s\u00fcre direndim. Neredeyse bir ay boyunca odas\u0131na girmedim. Kapal\u0131 kap\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcnden ge\u00e7tim, a\u00e7maya bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc cesaret edemedim.\n\nAma bir g\u00fcn sonunda karar verdim.\n\nKap\u0131y\u0131 a\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131mda, i\u00e7eride zaman durmu\u015f gibiydi. Her \u015fey tam olarak b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131 gibiydi. Yatak \u00f6rt\u00fcs\u00fc yata\u011f\u0131n \u00fczerinde, defterler masan\u0131n \u00fczerinde, havada hafif bir parf\u00fcm kokusu.\n\nYava\u015f yava\u015f temizlemeye ba\u015flad\u0131m. Her e\u015fyay\u0131 tek tek ald\u0131m ve a\u011flad\u0131m. Elbisesi. Sa\u00e7 tokalar\u0131. Tekrar tekrar okudu\u011fu kitap. Her \u015feyi g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcme bast\u0131rd\u0131m ve b\u0131rakamad\u0131m.\n\nVe sonra, aniden, okul kitaplar\u0131ndan birinden k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck, katlanm\u0131\u015f bir ka\u011f\u0131t par\u00e7as\u0131 d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc.\nHemen onun el yaz\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 tan\u0131d\u0131m. Ellerim titremeye ba\u015flad\u0131.\n\nNotta \u015f\u00f6yle yaz\u0131yordu: \u201cAnne, e\u011fer bunu okuyorsan, yata\u011f\u0131n alt\u0131na bak. O zaman her \u015feyi anlayacaks\u0131n.\u201d\nNefesim kesildi. O kelimeleri birka\u00e7 kez tekrar okudum. Kalbim o kadar h\u0131zl\u0131 \u00e7arp\u0131yordu ki g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcmden f\u0131rlayacak gibiydi. Oraya ne b\u0131rakm\u0131\u015f olabilirdi? Ve neden bir \u015fey anlamam gerekiyordu?\n\nUzun s\u00fcre bunu yapmaya cesaret edemedim. Sadece odan\u0131n ortas\u0131nda, notu elimde s\u0131k\u0131ca tutarak durdum.\n\nSonra diz \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fcm ve yata\u011f\u0131n alt\u0131na bakt\u0131m\u2026\n\nSonra diz \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fcm ve yata\u011f\u0131n alt\u0131na bakt\u0131m\u2026\n\n\u0130lk anda hi\u00e7bir \u015fey g\u00f6remedim. G\u00f6zlerim karanl\u0131\u011fa al\u0131\u015fana kadar kalbim kulaklar\u0131mda at\u0131yordu. Tozlu zeminde, yata\u011f\u0131n metal ayaklar\u0131n\u0131n aras\u0131nda bir \u015fey vard\u0131. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir kutu. Ayakkab\u0131 kutusundan biraz daha k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck, kahverengi kartondan yap\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. \u00dczerinde kendi el yaz\u0131s\u0131yla yaz\u0131lm\u0131\u015f tek bir kelime duruyordu:\n\n\u201cAnne.\u201d\n\nEllerim o kadar titriyordu ki kutuyu zorla kendime do\u011fru \u00e7ekebildim. O an sanki zaman yeniden durdu. Odaya a\u011f\u0131r bir sessizlik \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fc. Kutuyu a\u00e7arsam, art\u0131k hi\u00e7bir \u015feyin eskisi gibi olmayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 biliyordum. Ama a\u00e7mazsam da asla ya\u015fayamayacakt\u0131m.\n\nKapa\u011f\u0131 kald\u0131rd\u0131m.\n\n\u0130\u00e7inden \u00f6nce bir defter \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131. Mor kapl\u0131, k\u00f6\u015feleri y\u0131pranm\u0131\u015f. Hemen tan\u0131d\u0131m. Son y\u0131llarda hep yan\u0131nda ta\u015f\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131 defterdi. \u201cSak\u0131n okuma\u201d der gibi \u015fakayla kar\u0131\u015f\u0131k gizlerdi. Defteri elime ald\u0131\u011f\u0131mda g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcm s\u0131k\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Alt\u0131nda birka\u00e7 zarf, bir USB bellek ve en dipte, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir ses kay\u0131t cihaz\u0131 vard\u0131.\n\nZarflardan birinin \u00fczerinde yine onun yaz\u0131s\u0131 vard\u0131:\n\u201cL\u00fctfen \u00f6nce bunu oku.\u201d\n\nZarf\u0131 a\u00e7t\u0131m. G\u00f6zlerim sat\u0131rlarda ilerledik\u00e7e dizlerimin ba\u011f\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcld\u00fc, yata\u011f\u0131n kenar\u0131na oturmak zorunda kald\u0131m.\n\n\u201cAnne,\n\nE\u011fer bu sat\u0131rlar\u0131 okuyorsan, muhtemelen art\u0131k \u00e7ok can\u0131n yan\u0131yor. Bunun i\u00e7in \u00fczg\u00fcn\u00fcm. Ama bilmeni istiyorum: Ben yaln\u0131z de\u011fildim. Ve senin y\u00fcz\u00fcnden hi\u00e7 olmad\u0131m.\n\nSon zamanlarda i\u00e7imde bir \u015feyler k\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Okulda, insanlarla, kendimle\u2026 Sana anlatmak istedim ama seni \u00fczmekten korktum. Babam\u0131n \u2018hayata devam etmeliyiz\u2019 dedi\u011fi o sert ses, beni susturdu.\n\nE\u011fer bir g\u00fcn e\u015fyalar\u0131m\u0131 hemen atmak isterse, l\u00fctfen dur. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc burada sana b\u0131rakmam gereken \u015feyler var.\u201d\n\nG\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131m ka\u011f\u0131d\u0131n \u00fczerine daml\u0131yordu. \u201cBeni susturdu\u201d c\u00fcmlesi beynimde yank\u0131lan\u0131yordu. Ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 kald\u0131rd\u0131m. Koridor sessizdi. E\u015fim salondayd\u0131. Televizyon a\u00e7\u0131kt\u0131 ama sesi k\u0131s\u0131kt\u0131. O, bu kutudan habersizdi&#8230;\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon portrait'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/kizimizin-cenazesinden-hemen-sonra-yasananlar\/tgg-2\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/tgg-150x150.png\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-1-6083\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-1-6083'>\n\t\t\t\tDefterin ilk sayfas\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7t\u0131m.\n\nSayfalar dolusu yaz\u0131\u2026 Korkular\u0131, yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131, geceleri uyuyamamas\u0131, okulda kimseye anlatamad\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u015feyler. Ama sayfalar ilerledik\u00e7e bir \u015fey de\u011fi\u015fiyordu. Son aylarda yaz\u0131lar\u0131 daha umut doluydu. Yeni hayaller, \u00fcniversite planlar\u0131, \u201cannemle bir g\u00fcn deniz kenar\u0131nda uzun uzun konu\u015faca\u011f\u0131z\u201d gibi c\u00fcmleler.\n\nBir sayfada kalem izleri daha bast\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131:\n\n\u201cAnne, e\u011fer bir \u015fey olursa, l\u00fctfen bunun sadece benim zay\u0131fl\u0131\u011f\u0131m oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnme. Bazen insanlar yard\u0131m istemeyi beceremiyor.\u201d\n\nKutudaki USB belle\u011fi bilgisayara takt\u0131m. \u0130\u00e7inde videolar vard\u0131. K\u0131z\u0131m kameraya bak\u0131yordu. Y\u00fcz\u00fc solgundu ama g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u00fcyordu.\n\n\u201cAnne,\u201d dedi ekranda, \u201ce\u011fer bunu izliyorsan, l\u00fctfen kendini su\u00e7lama. Ama babama k\u0131zabilirsin. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ben ona s\u00f6yledim. Yard\u0131ma ihtiyac\u0131m oldu\u011funu s\u00f6yledim. \u2018Abart\u0131yorsun\u2019 dedi. \u2018Gen\u00e7lik bunal\u0131m\u0131.\u2019\u201d\n\nNefesim kesildi.\n\nBir sonraki videoda sesi daha sakindi:\n\u201cE\u011fer bir g\u00fcn bu evde dayan\u0131lmaz bir sessizlik olursa, bil ki ben seni hep sevdim. Ve senin beni ger\u00e7ekten g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc biliyordum.\u201d\n\nSon olarak ses kay\u0131t cihaz\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131rd\u0131m. O g\u00fcnk\u00fc ses\u2026 Ambulans\u2026 Karma\u015fa\u2026 Ve e\u015fimin sesi:\n\u201cB\u00fcy\u00fctmeyin, kendine gelir.\u201d\n\nCihaz elimden d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc.\n\nO an her \u015fey birle\u015fti. Aceleyle e\u015fyalar\u0131 atmak istemesi. Oday\u0131 kapatt\u0131rmas\u0131. Suskunlu\u011fu. K\u0131z\u0131m yaln\u0131z de\u011fildi. Ama duyulmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131.\n\nO ak\u015fam kutuyu al\u0131p salona \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m. E\u015fim bana bakt\u0131. Y\u00fcz\u00fcndeki ifade de\u011fi\u015fti.\n\n\u201cBuldun mu bir \u015fey?\u201d dedi.\n\nKutuyu masan\u0131n \u00fczerine koydum. \u201cEvet,\u201d dedim. \u201cK\u0131z\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n sesini.\u201d\n\nBir \u015fey s\u00f6ylemek istedi ama sustu. USB\u2019yi televizyona takt\u0131m. Video oynad\u0131. K\u0131z\u0131m\u0131z konu\u015furken e\u015fimin y\u00fcz\u00fc \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fc. \u0130lk kez a\u011flad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Ama bu art\u0131k \u00f6nemli de\u011fildi.\n\nO gece karar verdim.\n\nK\u0131z\u0131m\u0131n odas\u0131 bo\u015falt\u0131lmad\u0131. Oldu\u011fu gibi kald\u0131. Ama sadece bir an\u0131 odas\u0131 olarak de\u011fil\u2026 Bir fark\u0131ndal\u0131k alan\u0131 olarak. Defterini bir psikolo\u011fa verdim. Videolar\u0131n\u0131 bir derne\u011fe. Ba\u015fka anneler, ba\u015fka babalar duysun diye.\n\nVe ben art\u0131k biliyorum.\n\nO not bir veda de\u011fildi.\nBir uyar\u0131yd\u0131.\n\nK\u0131z\u0131m gitmi\u015fti. Ama sesi, ba\u015fka hayatlarda yank\u0131lanmaya devam edecekti.\n\n\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl>\n\t\t\t<br style='clear: both' \/>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6082,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6081","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-foto-galeri"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6081","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6081"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6081\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6084,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6081\/revisions\/6084"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6082"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6081"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6081"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6081"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}