{"id":5807,"date":"2026-04-24T19:25:04","date_gmt":"2026-04-24T19:25:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/?p=5807"},"modified":"2026-04-24T19:25:04","modified_gmt":"2026-04-24T19:25:04","slug":"buyuk-fedakarlik-ve-aci-gercek","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/buyuk-fedakarlik-ve-aci-gercek\/","title":{"rendered":"B\u00fcy\u00fck Fedakarl\u0131k ve Ac\u0131 Ger\u00e7ek"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\t\t<style type=\"text\/css\">\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 {\n\t\t\t\tmargin: auto;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 .gallery-item {\n\t\t\t\tfloat: left;\n\t\t\t\tmargin-top: 10px;\n\t\t\t\ttext-align: center;\n\t\t\t\twidth: 33%;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 img {\n\t\t\t\tborder: 2px solid #cfcfcf;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 .gallery-caption {\n\t\t\t\tmargin-left: 0;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t\/* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes\/media.php *\/\n\t\t<\/style>\n\t\t<div id='gallery-1' class='gallery galleryid-5807 gallery-columns-3 gallery-size-thumbnail'><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon portrait'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/buyuk-fedakarlik-ve-aci-gercek\/ssd-2\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/ssd-150x150.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-1-5808\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-1-5808'>\n\t\t\t\tE\u015fimi gen\u00e7 ya\u015fta topra\u011fa verdi\u011fimde, o mezara gen\u00e7li\u011fimi, hayallerimi ve t\u00fcm umutlar\u0131m\u0131 da g\u00f6mm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm asl\u0131nda. Otuz iki ya\u015f\u0131ndayd\u0131m, kuca\u011f\u0131mda \u00fc\u00e7 ya\u015f\u0131nda k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck o\u011flum, ete\u011fime yap\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f yedi ya\u015f\u0131nda b\u00fcy\u00fck o\u011flumla d\u0131md\u0131zlak kalakalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m bu koca d\u00fcnyada. Sa\u00e7\u0131m\u0131 s\u00fcp\u00fcrge etmek laf\u0131 benim i\u00e7in bir deyim de\u011fil, hayat\u0131n ta kendisiydi. T\u0131rnaklar\u0131mla kaz\u0131yarak, merdiven silerek, geceleri g\u00f6z nuru d\u00f6k\u00fcp diki\u015f dikerek b\u00fcy\u00fctt\u00fcm iki evlad\u0131m\u0131. Bo\u011faz\u0131mdan bir lokma s\u0131cak et ge\u00e7medi belki y\u0131llarca; yemedim yedirdim, giymedim giydirdim. \u0130kisi de okudu, meslek sahibi oldu, yuvalar\u0131n\u0131 kurdu. Ben de kendi halimde, rahmetli e\u015fimden kalan bah\u00e7eli, iki g\u00f6z ah\u015fap evimde an\u0131lar\u0131mla ba\u015f ba\u015fa yaln\u0131z ya\u015f\u0131yordum.\n\nYa\u015f\u0131m ilerleyip dizlerimde derman azal\u0131nca, k\u0131\u015f\u0131n oca\u011f\u0131 yakmak, \u00e7at\u0131 akt\u0131\u011f\u0131nda kiremitleri onarmak zor gelmeye ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Bir g\u00fcn b\u00fcy\u00fck o\u011flum \u00e7\u0131kageldi. &#8220;Anne,&#8221; dedi, &#8220;Ne i\u015fin var sobayla falan tek ba\u015f\u0131na? Hastalanacaks\u0131n bu rutubetli evde. Sat buray\u0131, gel yan\u0131m\u0131za. Evimiz geni\u015f, ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnde yerin var.&#8221; Can\u0131mdan kan\u0131mdan evlad\u0131md\u0131, benim i\u00e7in sa\u00e7\u0131n\u0131 s\u00fcp\u00fcrge edece\u011fi g\u00fcnlerin geldi\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm. Nas\u0131l g\u00fcvenmezdim? E\u015fimin emaneti o k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck evi satt\u0131m, paras\u0131n\u0131 da &#8220;Banka bor\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 kapats\u0131nlar, rahat etsinler&#8221; diye son kuru\u015funa kadar ellerine sayd\u0131m.\n\nBa\u015fta her \u015fey fena de\u011fildi. Torunlar\u0131mla oynuyor, gelinime mutfakta yard\u0131m ediyor, kendi \u00e7ap\u0131mda i\u015fe yaramaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordum. Fakat aradan birka\u00e7 ay ge\u00e7tikten sonra gelinim bana surat asmaya, evde g\u00f6lgemden bile rahats\u0131z olmaya ba\u015flad\u0131. G\u00f6z\u00fcme batan bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131, i\u00e7 \u00e7ektikleri, kap\u0131lar\u0131 sert kapatmalar\u0131 g\u00fcn ge\u00e7tik\u00e7e art\u0131yordu. Bir ak\u015fam yeme\u011finde, &#8220;Anne sen bundan sonra tependeki odanda ye,&#8221; dedi gelinim buz gibi bir sesle. &#8220;\u00c7ocuklar senin \u00f6ks\u00fcr\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnden i\u011freniyor, mideleri bulan\u0131yormu\u015f.&#8221; Tabak \u00e7ana\u011f\u0131m\u0131, barda\u011f\u0131m\u0131 bile ay\u0131rd\u0131lar. Sesimi \u00e7\u0131karmad\u0131m. &#8220;Aman evlatlar\u0131m\u0131n huzuru ka\u00e7mas\u0131n&#8221; diye boynumu b\u00fck\u00fcp, o rutubetli \u00e7at\u0131 kat\u0131na hapsettim kendimi. En \u00e7ok da o\u011flumun susmas\u0131, kar\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n her hakaretine g\u00f6z yummas\u0131 yak\u0131yordu can\u0131m\u0131. Bazen bana masan\u0131n ucundan \u00f6yle bir bak\u0131yordu ki, bir anne de\u011fil, at\u0131lmas\u0131 gereken eski bir e\u015fya, bir s\u0131\u011f\u0131nt\u0131 oldu\u011fumu iliklerime kadar hissediyordum.\n\nKaranl\u0131k Yolculuk ve Kopan Son Ba\u011f\nGe\u00e7en Sal\u0131 g\u00fcn\u00fc hava buz gibiydi, g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fc kur\u015fun rengiydi. O\u011flum aniden odama girdi. G\u00f6zlerini ka\u00e7\u0131rarak, &#8220;Anne, kalk toparlan. Seni k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck karde\u015fime g\u00f6t\u00fcrece\u011fim, biraz da orada kal. Bizimkiler bunald\u0131,&#8221; dedi. \u0130tiraz etmeme, &#8220;O\u011flum hava so\u011fuk, karde\u015fim m\u00fcsait mi?&#8221; diye sormama bile f\u0131rsat vermeden dolaptaki \u00fc\u00e7 be\u015f par\u00e7a k\u0131yafetimi iki siyah \u00e7\u00f6p po\u015fetine t\u0131kt\u0131lar. Ne gelinim veda etti, ne torunlar\u0131m.\n\nArabaya bindik. Yolda hi\u00e7 konu\u015fmad\u0131, radyosunu a\u00e7t\u0131, d\u00f6n\u00fcp y\u00fcz\u00fcme bir kez olsun bakmad\u0131. Camdan d\u0131\u015far\u0131 ak\u0131p giden a\u011fa\u00e7lara bakarken i\u00e7imde tarif edilemez bir s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131 b\u00fcy\u00fcyordu. \u015eehrin epey d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda, in cin top oynayan, etraf\u0131nda tek bir ev bile olmayan \u0131ss\u0131z bir otob\u00fcs dura\u011f\u0131nda arabay\u0131 aniden durdurdu. &#8220;Anne sen in burada bekle,&#8221; dedi tela\u015fl\u0131 bir sesle. &#8220;Benzin ibresi s\u0131f\u0131rda, yolda kalmayal\u0131m. \u015eu ilerideki benzinlikten al\u0131p hemen d\u00f6nece\u011fim.&#8221; \u0130ndim, siyah po\u015fetlerimi de ayaklar\u0131m\u0131n dibine b\u0131rakt\u0131. Gaza \u00f6yle bir bast\u0131 ki, tekerleklerin s\u0131\u00e7ratt\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00e7amurlu su mantoma s\u0131\u00e7rad\u0131&#8230;\n\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon portrait'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/buyuk-fedakarlik-ve-aci-gercek\/vccvcv\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/vccvcv-150x150.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-1-5809\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-1-5809'>\n\t\t\t\tBekledim&#8230; Yar\u0131m saat, bir saat, iki saat ge\u00e7ti. Hava iyice karard\u0131, dondurucu r\u00fczgar esmeye, ince ince kar at\u0131\u015ft\u0131rmaya ba\u015flad\u0131. So\u011fuktan di\u015flerim birbirine vuruyor, ayaklar\u0131m\u0131 hissetmiyordum. Ne gelen vard\u0131 ne giden. G\u00f6zlerim karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 delmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yor, iki far \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 g\u00f6rsem &#8220;O\u011flum geldi&#8221; diye aya\u011fa f\u0131rl\u0131yordum ama ge\u00e7en arabalar h\u0131zla uzakla\u015f\u0131yordu. Titreyen, donmu\u015f ellerimle \u00e7antamdan o eski tu\u015flu telefonumu \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131m. B\u00fcy\u00fck o\u011flumu arad\u0131m; s\u00fcrekli me\u015fgule d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyordu, beni engellemi\u015fti!\n\nG\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131 i\u00e7inde, panik ve \u00e7aresizlikle k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck o\u011flumun numaras\u0131n\u0131 tu\u015flad\u0131m. Telefonu a\u00e7ar a\u00e7maz duyduklar\u0131m ise o dondurucu ayazdan daha \u00e7ok \u00fc\u015f\u00fctt\u00fc i\u00e7imi. &#8220;O\u011flum, abin beni bir dura\u011fa b\u0131rakt\u0131, gelmedi. Donuyorum, kurban olay\u0131m gel al beni,&#8221; dedim h\u0131\u00e7k\u0131rarak. Kar\u015f\u0131dan gelen ses buz gibiydi, alayc\u0131yd\u0131.\n\n&#8220;Anne,&#8221; dedi k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck o\u011flum ruhsuz bir tav\u0131rla, &#8220;Abim o evi satt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z paran\u0131n tam yar\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 ge\u00e7en ay benim hesab\u0131ma g\u00f6nderdi. Senin \u00f6m\u00fcr boyu bak\u0131m\u0131n\u0131 o \u00fcstlendi, anla\u015fmam\u0131z b\u00f6yleydi, paras\u0131n\u0131 da ald\u0131. Benim kar\u0131m da hamile zaten, yeni bebek bekliyoruz, evde sana ay\u0131racak yerimiz falan yok. L\u00fctfen beni bir daha aray\u0131p durma, kar\u0131mla huzurumu ka\u00e7\u0131rma. Ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131n \u00e7aresine bak.&#8221;\n\nTelefon &#8220;d\u0131t d\u0131t&#8221; sesleriyle surat\u0131ma kapand\u0131\u011f\u0131nda dizlerimin ba\u011f\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcld\u00fc, oldu\u011fum yere, o buz tutmu\u015f betonun \u00fczerine y\u0131\u011f\u0131l\u0131p kald\u0131m. \u0130ki evlad\u0131m, can\u0131mdan kopard\u0131\u011f\u0131m iki par\u00e7a, beni birka\u00e7 y\u00fcz bin lira i\u00e7in aralar\u0131nda pay etmi\u015f, sonra da bu \u0131ss\u0131z da\u011f ba\u015f\u0131nda \u00f6l\u00fcme terk etmi\u015flerdi.\n\nK\u0131\u015f Gecesinde Gelen Merhamet\nO gece o durakta ne kadar a\u011flad\u0131m, ne kadar zaman ge\u00e7ti bilmiyorum. G\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131m yanaklar\u0131mda donmu\u015ftu. &#8220;Allah&#8217;\u0131m,&#8221; diye yalvard\u0131m g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcne bakarak, &#8220;Beni bu gece burada can\u0131mdan et, sabah\u0131 g\u00f6sterme bana. Evlat ac\u0131s\u0131n\u0131, bu ihaneti ya\u015fatma daha fazla.&#8221; \u00c7\u00f6p po\u015fetlerime sar\u0131ld\u0131m, g\u00f6zlerimi kapatt\u0131m. Bedenim yava\u015f yava\u015f uyu\u015fuyor, tatl\u0131 bir uyku bast\u0131r\u0131yordu. Donarak \u00f6lmenin o huzurlu a\u015famas\u0131na ge\u00e7iyordum galiba.\n\nTam bilincimi kaybetmek \u00fczereyken g\u00f6zlerimi kama\u015ft\u0131ran mavi-k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 \u0131\u015f\u0131klar g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Bir jandarma devriye arac\u0131 \u00f6n\u00fcmde durdu. Gencecik bir asker ko\u015farak yan\u0131ma geldi, &#8220;Teyzem, ne i\u015fin var bu saatte burada, donacaks\u0131n!&#8221; diyerek kal\u0131n parkas\u0131n\u0131 omuzlar\u0131ma sard\u0131. Beni o s\u0131cak araban\u0131n i\u00e7ine soktuklar\u0131nda, ellerime bir bardak s\u0131cak \u00e7ay tutu\u015fturduklar\u0131nda h\u00fcng\u00fcr h\u00fcng\u00fcr a\u011flamaya ba\u015flad\u0131m. Karakolda ifadem al\u0131n\u0131rken her \u015feyi anlatt\u0131m ama iki o\u011flumdan da \u015fikayet\u00e7i olmad\u0131m. &#8220;Sildim onlar\u0131 defterden,&#8221; dedim komutana, &#8220;Benim art\u0131k evlad\u0131m yok.&#8221;\n\n\u0130lahi Adalet ve Yeni Bir Hayat\nJandarman\u0131n yard\u0131m\u0131yla devletin \u015fefkatli kollar\u0131na, bir huzurevine yerle\u015ftirildim. \u0130lk aylar duvarlara bak\u0131p a\u011flamakla ge\u00e7ti. Ama zamanla buradaki kader arkada\u015flar\u0131mla yaralar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 sard\u0131k. Evlatlar\u0131ndan darbe yemi\u015f, soka\u011fa at\u0131lm\u0131\u015f ne \u00e7ok benim gibi anne-baba varm\u0131\u015f me\u011fer&#8230; Burada birbirimize aile olduk, yeni bir yuva kurduk. \u00c7i\u00e7ekler diktik bah\u00e7eye, \u00f6rg\u00fcler \u00f6rd\u00fck, ak\u015famlar\u0131 \u00e7ay e\u015fli\u011finde dertle\u015ftik.\n\nAradan tam \u00fc\u00e7 y\u0131l ge\u00e7ti. Bir bahar sabah\u0131, huzurevinin m\u00fcdiresi beni odas\u0131na \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rd\u0131. &#8220;Seni ziyarete geldiler Havva Teyze,&#8221; dedi. Kap\u0131da, \u00fcst\u00fc ba\u015f\u0131 d\u00f6k\u00fclen, sa\u00e7lar\u0131 darmada\u011f\u0131n olmu\u015f, omuzlar\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6km\u00fc\u015f bir adam duruyordu. B\u00fcy\u00fck o\u011flumdu. Benim paras\u0131n\u0131 verdi\u011fim evde l\u00fcks i\u00e7inde ya\u015farken, arkada\u015f sand\u0131\u011f\u0131 ki\u015filerle girdi\u011fi bir ticarette t\u00fcm varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 kaybetmi\u015f. Gelinim olacak o kad\u0131n da elde avu\u00e7ta ne varsa toplay\u0131p, \u00e7ocuklar\u0131 da al\u0131p annesinin evine d\u00f6nm\u00fc\u015f. Sokakta kalm\u0131\u015f.\n\nG\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131 i\u00e7inde dizlerime kapand\u0131. &#8220;Anne,&#8221; dedi, h\u0131\u00e7k\u0131r\u0131klara bo\u011fularak. &#8220;Anne ne olursun affet beni. Ne olursun&#8230; Anlad\u0131m hatam\u0131, cezam\u0131 buldum. Hadi gel \u00e7\u0131kal\u0131m buradan, ben sana bakar\u0131m, \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131r\u0131m, k\u00f6len olurum.&#8221;\n\nEllerini yava\u015f\u00e7a dizlerimden \u00e7ektim. \u0130\u00e7imde ne bir \u00f6fke, ne bir kin, ne de bir sevgi kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Sadece derin bir bo\u015fluk hissi vard\u0131.\n\n&#8220;Benim,&#8221; dedim sakin bir sesle, &#8220;So\u011fuk bir k\u0131\u015f gecesi, o \u0131ss\u0131z otob\u00fcs dura\u011f\u0131nda donarak \u00f6len bir kalbim var art\u0131k. Ve o kalpte senin yerin yok. Sen anneyi o durakta b\u0131rakt\u0131n o\u011flum. \u015eimdi git&#8230; Benim ailem art\u0131k burada.&#8221;\n\nArkam\u0131 d\u00f6nd\u00fcm, koridorda yava\u015f ad\u0131mlarla y\u00fcr\u00fcrken onun arkamdan y\u00fckselen h\u0131\u00e7k\u0131r\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 duyuyordum. Ama bir kez bile d\u00f6n\u00fcp arkama bakmad\u0131m. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc biliyordum; k\u0131r\u0131lan bir vazo yap\u0131\u015fsa da, su tutmuyordu art\u0131k. Benim suyum da, o durakta buz tutup \u00e7oktan k\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131.\n\n\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl>\n\t\t\t<br style='clear: both' \/>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5808,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5807","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-foto-galeri"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5807","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5807"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5807\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5810,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5807\/revisions\/5810"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5808"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5807"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5807"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5807"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}