{"id":5650,"date":"2026-04-21T22:16:37","date_gmt":"2026-04-21T22:16:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/?p=5650"},"modified":"2026-04-21T22:16:37","modified_gmt":"2026-04-21T22:16:37","slug":"gizemli-kutu","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/gizemli-kutu\/","title":{"rendered":"Gizemli Kutu"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\t\t<style type=\"text\/css\">\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 {\n\t\t\t\tmargin: auto;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 .gallery-item {\n\t\t\t\tfloat: left;\n\t\t\t\tmargin-top: 10px;\n\t\t\t\ttext-align: center;\n\t\t\t\twidth: 33%;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 img {\n\t\t\t\tborder: 2px solid #cfcfcf;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 .gallery-caption {\n\t\t\t\tmargin-left: 0;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t\/* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes\/media.php *\/\n\t\t<\/style>\n\t\t<div id='gallery-1' class='gallery galleryid-5650 gallery-columns-3 gallery-size-thumbnail'><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/gizemli-kutu\/bbs-65\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/bbs-19-150x150.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-1-5651\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-1-5651'>\n\t\t\t\tYetmi\u015f iki y\u0131l boyunca, kocam\u0131n saklad\u0131\u011f\u0131 her s\u0131rr\u0131 bildi\u011fime inand\u0131m. Ancak cenazesinde, bir yabanc\u0131 ellerime bir kutu tutu\u015fturdu; i\u00e7inde a\u015fk, vaatler ve gizli tuttu\u011fumuz sessiz fedakarl\u0131klar hakk\u0131nda bildi\u011fim her \u015feyi alt\u00fcst eden bir y\u00fcz\u00fck vard\u0131. Yetmi\u015f iki y\u0131l. Y\u00fcksek sesle s\u00f6yledi\u011finizde, sanki ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir masalm\u0131\u015f gibi imkans\u0131z geliyor. Ama bu bizim hayat\u0131m\u0131zd\u0131. Dizlerimin \u00fczerinde kenetledi\u011fim ellerimle onun tabutuna bakarken hep bunu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Bir insanla bunca do\u011fum g\u00fcn\u00fc, k\u0131\u015f mevsimi ve s\u0131radan Sal\u0131 g\u00fcnleri ge\u00e7irdi\u011finizde; her i\u00e7 \u00e7eki\u015finin, her ayak sesinin ve her sessizli\u011finin anlam\u0131n\u0131 bildi\u011finize inanmaya ba\u015fl\u0131yorsunuz. Y\u00fcksek sesle s\u00f6yledi\u011finizde imkans\u0131z geliyor. Kemal\u2019in kahvesini nas\u0131l sevdi\u011fini, her gece arka kap\u0131y\u0131 nas\u0131l iki kez kontrol etti\u011fini ve her Pazar cami ceketini ayn\u0131 sandalyenin \u00fczerine nas\u0131l katlad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilirdim. Onun hakk\u0131nda bilinmeye de\u011fer her \u015feyi bildi\u011fimi san\u0131yordum. Ancak a\u015fk, bir \u015feyleri bir kenara kald\u0131rman\u0131n \u00f6yle bir yolunu bulur ki, bazen onlar\u0131 buldu\u011funuzda art\u0131k \u00e7ok ge\u00e7 kalm\u0131\u015fs\u0131n\u0131zd\u0131r. Cenaze, tam da Kemal\u2019in isteyece\u011fi gibi k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fckt\u00fc. Birka\u00e7 kom\u015fu al\u00e7ak sesle taziyelerini sundu. K\u0131z\u0131m\u0131z R\u00fcya, kimse fark etmiyormu\u015f gibi yaparak g\u00f6zlerini sildi. Onu hafif\u00e7e d\u00fcrterek f\u0131s\u0131ldad\u0131m: &#8220;Makyaj\u0131n akacak can\u0131m.&#8221; Onun hakk\u0131nda bilinmeye de\u011fer her \u015feyi bildi\u011fimi san\u0131yordum. Burnunu \u00e7ekti. &#8220;\u00d6z\u00fcr dilerim anne. G\u00f6rseydi benimle dalga ge\u00e7erdi.&#8221; Koridorun di\u011fer taraf\u0131nda torunum Mert, cilal\u0131 ayakkab\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131n i\u00e7inde dimdik duruyor, oldu\u011fundan daha ya\u015fl\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcnmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordu. &#8220;\u0130yi misin anneanne?&#8221; diye sordu. &#8220;Bir \u015feye ihtiyac\u0131n var m\u0131?&#8221; Onun hat\u0131r\u0131na g\u00fcl\u00fcmsemeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015farak, &#8220;Neleri atlatt\u0131k biz yavrum,&#8221; dedim. &#8220;Deden t\u00fcm bu merasimlerden nefret ederdi.&#8221; Ayakkab\u0131lar\u0131na bakarak hafif\u00e7e s\u0131r\u0131tt\u0131. &#8220;Bana bunlar\u0131n \u00e7ok parlad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6ylerdi.&#8221; &#8220;H\u0131mm, kesin s\u00f6ylerdi,&#8221; dedim, sesim \u0131s\u0131narak. Mihraba do\u011fru bakt\u0131m; ben daha yataktayken bile her sabah nas\u0131l iki ki\u015filik kahve haz\u0131rlad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Tek ki\u015filik kahve yapmay\u0131 asla \u00f6\u011frenememi\u015fti. &#8220;Deden t\u00fcm bu merasimlerden nefret ederdi.&#8221; Sandalyesinin g\u0131c\u0131rt\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 ve haberler \u00e7ok k\u00f6t\u00fcle\u015fti\u011finde elimi nas\u0131l ok\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131ktan az kals\u0131n ellerimi onun parmaklar\u0131na uzatacakt\u0131m. \u0130nsanlar ayr\u0131lmaya ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131nda R\u00fcya koluma dokundu. &#8220;Anne, hava almak i\u00e7in d\u0131\u015far\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kmak ister misin?&#8221; &#8220;Hen\u00fcz de\u011fil.&#8221;\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/gizemli-kutu\/kutu\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/kutu-150x150.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-1-5652\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-1-5652'>\n\t\t\t\tYetmi\u015f iki y\u0131l boyunca, kocam\u0131n saklad\u0131\u011f\u0131 her s\u0131rr\u0131 bildi\u011fime inand\u0131m. Ancak cenazesinde, bir yabanc\u0131 ellerime bir kutu tutu\u015fturdu; i\u00e7inde a\u015fk, vaatler ve gizli tuttu\u011fumuz sessiz fedakarl\u0131klar hakk\u0131nda bildi\u011fim her \u015feyi alt\u00fcst eden bir y\u00fcz\u00fck vard\u0131. Yetmi\u015f iki y\u0131l. Y\u00fcksek sesle s\u00f6yledi\u011finizde, sanki ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir masalm\u0131\u015f gibi imkans\u0131z geliyor. Ama bu bizim hayat\u0131m\u0131zd\u0131. Dizlerimin \u00fczerinde kenetledi\u011fim ellerimle onun tabutuna bakarken hep bunu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Bir insanla bunca do\u011fum g\u00fcn\u00fc, k\u0131\u015f mevsimi ve s\u0131radan Sal\u0131 g\u00fcnleri ge\u00e7irdi\u011finizde; her i\u00e7 \u00e7eki\u015finin, her ayak sesinin ve her sessizli\u011finin anlam\u0131n\u0131 bildi\u011finize inanmaya ba\u015fl\u0131yorsunuz. Y\u00fcksek sesle s\u00f6yledi\u011finizde imkans\u0131z geliyor. Kemal\u2019in kahvesini nas\u0131l sevdi\u011fini, her gece arka kap\u0131y\u0131 nas\u0131l iki kez kontrol etti\u011fini ve her Pazar cami ceketini ayn\u0131 sandalyenin \u00fczerine nas\u0131l katlad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilirdim. Onun hakk\u0131nda bilinmeye de\u011fer her \u015feyi bildi\u011fimi san\u0131yordum. Ancak a\u015fk, bir \u015feyleri bir kenara kald\u0131rman\u0131n \u00f6yle bir yolunu bulur ki, bazen onlar\u0131 buldu\u011funuzda art\u0131k \u00e7ok ge\u00e7 kalm\u0131\u015fs\u0131n\u0131zd\u0131r. Cenaze, tam da Kemal\u2019in isteyece\u011fi gibi k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fckt\u00fc. Birka\u00e7 kom\u015fu al\u00e7ak sesle taziyelerini sundu. K\u0131z\u0131m\u0131z R\u00fcya, kimse fark etmiyormu\u015f gibi yaparak g\u00f6zlerini sildi. Onu hafif\u00e7e d\u00fcrterek f\u0131s\u0131ldad\u0131m: &#8220;Makyaj\u0131n akacak can\u0131m.&#8221; Onun hakk\u0131nda bilinmeye de\u011fer her \u015feyi bildi\u011fimi san\u0131yordum. Burnunu \u00e7ekti. &#8220;\u00d6z\u00fcr dilerim anne. G\u00f6rseydi benimle dalga ge\u00e7erdi.&#8221; Koridorun di\u011fer taraf\u0131nda torunum Mert, cilal\u0131 ayakkab\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131n i\u00e7inde dimdik duruyor, oldu\u011fundan daha ya\u015fl\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcnmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordu. &#8220;\u0130yi misin anneanne?&#8221; diye sordu. &#8220;Bir \u015feye ihtiyac\u0131n var m\u0131?&#8221; Onun hat\u0131r\u0131na g\u00fcl\u00fcmsemeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015farak, &#8220;Neleri atlatt\u0131k biz yavrum,&#8221; dedim. &#8220;Deden t\u00fcm bu merasimlerden nefret ederdi.&#8221; Ayakkab\u0131lar\u0131na bakarak hafif\u00e7e s\u0131r\u0131tt\u0131. &#8220;Bana bunlar\u0131n \u00e7ok parlad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6ylerdi.&#8221; &#8220;H\u0131mm, kesin s\u00f6ylerdi,&#8221; dedim, sesim \u0131s\u0131narak. Mihraba do\u011fru bakt\u0131m; ben daha yataktayken bile her sabah nas\u0131l iki ki\u015filik kahve haz\u0131rlad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Tek ki\u015filik kahve yapmay\u0131 asla \u00f6\u011frenememi\u015fti. &#8220;Deden t\u00fcm bu merasimlerden nefret ederdi.&#8221; Sandalyesinin g\u0131c\u0131rt\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 ve haberler \u00e7ok k\u00f6t\u00fcle\u015fti\u011finde elimi nas\u0131l ok\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131ktan az kals\u0131n ellerimi onun parmaklar\u0131na uzatacakt\u0131m. \u0130nsanlar ayr\u0131lmaya ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131nda R\u00fcya koluma dokundu. &#8220;Anne, hava almak i\u00e7in d\u0131\u015far\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kmak ister misin?&#8221; &#8220;Hen\u00fcz de\u011fil.&#8221; \u0130\u015fte o an, Kemal\u2019in foto\u011fraf\u0131n\u0131n yan\u0131nda bekleyen bir yabanc\u0131 fark ettim. Hi\u00e7 k\u0131p\u0131rdamadan duruyordu, elleri g\u00f6remedi\u011fim bir \u015feyin \u00fczerinde kenetlenmi\u015fti. R\u00fcya ka\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7att\u0131. &#8220;O kim?&#8221; Kemal\u2019in foto\u011fraf\u0131n\u0131n yan\u0131nda bekleyen bir yabanc\u0131 fark ettim. &#8220;Bilmiyorum,&#8221; dedim. Ancak adam\u0131n \u00fczerindeki eski asker ceketi g\u00f6z\u00fcme \u00e7arpt\u0131. Bize do\u011fru y\u00fcr\u00fcmeye ba\u015flad\u0131 ve oda aniden k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f gibi hissettirdi. &#8220;G\u00fclten Han\u0131m?&#8221; diye sordu sessizce. Ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 sallad\u0131m. &#8220;Benim. Kemal\u2019imi tan\u0131yor muydunuz?&#8221; Hafif\u00e7e g\u00fcl\u00fcmsemeyi ba\u015fard\u0131. &#8220;Benim ad\u0131m Polat. Kemal ile \u00e7ok uzun zaman \u00f6nce birlikte g\u00f6rev yapm\u0131\u015ft\u0131k.&#8221; Onu s\u00fczd\u00fcm. &#8220;Kemal hi\u00e7 Polat diye birinden bahsetmemi\u015fti.&#8221; &#8220;Kemal\u2019imi tan\u0131yor muydunuz?&#8221; Anlay\u0131\u015fl\u0131 bir tav\u0131rla hafif\u00e7e omuz silkti. &#8220;Birbirimizden pek bahsetmeyiz G\u00fclten Han\u0131m. G\u00f6rd\u00fcklerimizden sonra&#8230;&#8221; Kutuyu uzatt\u0131. Kutu h\u0131rpalanm\u0131\u015f ve p\u00fcr\u00fczs\u00fczle\u015fmi\u015fti; k\u00f6\u015feleri bir cepte ya da \u00e7ekmecede ge\u00e7en y\u0131llar\u0131n etkisiyle parlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Onu tutu\u015f \u015fekli bo\u011faz\u0131m\u0131n d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmlenmesine sebep oldu. &#8220;Bana bir s\u00f6z vermi\u015fti,&#8221; dedi Polat. &#8220;E\u011fer bu g\u00f6revi ben tamamlayamazsam, bunu sana geri getirmemi istemi\u015fti.&#8221; Kutuyu al\u0131rken parmaklar\u0131m titriyordu. G\u00f6r\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnden daha a\u011f\u0131rd\u0131. R\u00fcya elini uzatt\u0131 ama ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 sallad\u0131m. Bu benim i\u00e7indi. Kutuyu uzatt\u0131. Titreyen ellerimle kapa\u011f\u0131 zorlayarak a\u00e7t\u0131m. \u0130\u00e7eride, sararm\u0131\u015f bir kuma\u015f par\u00e7as\u0131n\u0131n \u00fczerinde, alt\u0131n bir alyans duruyordu. Benimkinden \u00e7ok daha k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fckt\u00fc, inceydi ve neredeyse a\u015f\u0131narak p\u00fcr\u00fczs\u00fczle\u015fmi\u015fti. Kalbim o kadar sert \u00e7arp\u0131yordu ki neredeyse elimi g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcme bast\u0131racakt\u0131m. O korkun\u00e7 dakika boyunca, t\u00fcm hayat\u0131m\u0131n bir yalan oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. &#8220;Anne, bu ne?&#8221; Sadece y\u00fcz\u00fc\u011fe bakakald\u0131m. &#8220;Bu benim de\u011fil,&#8221; diye f\u0131s\u0131ldad\u0131m. \u0130\u00e7eride, sararm\u0131\u015f bir kuma\u015f par\u00e7as\u0131n\u0131n \u00fczerinde, alt\u0131n bir alyans duruyordu. Mert\u2019in g\u00f6zleri ikimizin aras\u0131nda gidip geldi. &#8220;Dedem sana ba\u015fka bir y\u00fcz\u00fck m\u00fc b\u0131rakt\u0131? Bu&#8230; ho\u015f bir \u015fey mi?&#8221; Ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 sallad\u0131m. &#8220;Hay\u0131r yavrum. Bu ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n.&#8221; Sesimi sertle\u015ftirerek Polat\u2019a d\u00f6nd\u00fcm. &#8220;Kocamda neden ba\u015fka bir kad\u0131n\u0131n alyans\u0131 vard\u0131?&#8221; Mert sars\u0131lm\u0131\u015f g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcyordu. &#8220;Anneanne&#8230; belki de bir a\u00e7\u0131klamas\u0131 vard\u0131r.&#8221; K\u0131sa ve keyifsiz bir kahkaha att\u0131m. &#8220;\u00d6yle umuyorum.&#8221; Etraf\u0131m\u0131zdaki sandalyeler zemine s\u00fcrt\u00fcnerek hafif sesler \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131. Camiden bir kad\u0131n c\u00fcmlesinin ortas\u0131nda sesini al\u00e7altt\u0131. Kap\u0131n\u0131n yan\u0131ndaki Kemal\u2019in iki eski bal\u0131k\u00e7\u0131 arkada\u015f\u0131 aniden ceket ask\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7ok ilgin\u00e7 bulmaya ba\u015flad\u0131lar. &#8220;Bu ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n.&#8221; Kimse dik dik bakmak istemiyordu ama herkes dinliyordu. \u0130nsanlar\u0131n endi\u015feymi\u015f gibi davrand\u0131\u011f\u0131 o sessiz, \u00e7irkin merak\u0131n odaya \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc hissedebiliyordum. Ve bundan nefret ettim. Kemal her zaman ketum bir adamd\u0131. Bu her neyse, cenaze \u00e7i\u00e7eklerinin ve f\u0131s\u0131lda\u015fan g\u00f6zlerin \u00f6n\u00fcnde a\u00e7\u0131lmas\u0131n\u0131 istemezdi. Ama onurumuz i\u00e7in art\u0131k \u00e7ok ge\u00e7ti. Y\u00fcz\u00fck avucumda k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck ve su\u00e7lay\u0131c\u0131 bir \u015fekilde duruyordu; tek d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnebildi\u011fim o adamla yetmi\u015f iki y\u0131l boyunca ayn\u0131 yata\u011f\u0131, bir evi, bir k\u0131z\u0131, faturalar\u0131, k\u0131\u015flar\u0131, kederi ve kahkahay\u0131 payla\u015fm\u0131\u015f oldu\u011fumdu. Kemal her zaman ketum bir adamd\u0131. E\u011fer t\u00fcm o zaman boyunca bir yerlerde gizlenmi\u015f ba\u015fka bir kad\u0131n olsayd\u0131, o zaman hayat\u0131m\u0131n hangi par\u00e7as\u0131n\u0131n bana ait oldu\u011funu bilemezdim. &#8220;Polat,&#8221; dedim. &#8220;Bana her \u015feyi anlatsan iyi olur.&#8221; Polat sert\u00e7e yutkundu. &#8220;G\u00fclten Han\u0131m&#8230; Kemal\u2019e zaman\u0131 gelirse bunu teslim edece\u011fime s\u00f6z verdim. Ke\u015fke bu g\u00f6rev bana kalmasayd\u0131.&#8221; R\u00fcya f\u0131s\u0131ldad\u0131: &#8220;Anne, l\u00fctfen otur.&#8221; &#8220;Hay\u0131r, ben o adam\u0131n yan\u0131nda hayat\u0131m boyunca dik durdum. Biraz daha dayanabilirim.&#8221; &#8220;Bana her \u015feyi anlatsan iyi olur.&#8221; Polat ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 sallad\u0131. Elleri kenetlenmi\u015fti, eklemleri an\u0131lar\u0131n y\u00fck\u00fcyle beyazlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Konu\u015fmadan \u00f6nce yere bakt\u0131 ve bir an i\u00e7in kar\u015f\u0131mda ya\u015fl\u0131 bir adam de\u011fil de, eski bir kedere kendini haz\u0131rlayan birini g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. &#8220;1945 y\u0131l\u0131yd\u0131, cephe gerisinde&#8230; \u00c7o\u011fumuz geri d\u00f6nd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fczde kimseyi aramamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131k. Yorgunduk. Ve d\u00fcr\u00fcst olmak gerekirse korkuyorduk. Ama senin Kemal\u2019in herkesi fark ederdi.&#8221; Elbette fark ederdi, diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm kendi kendime. &#8220;Gen\u00e7 bir kad\u0131n vard\u0131, Elif. Her sabah nizamiyeye gelirdi. Hep kocas\u0131 Ali\u2019yi sorard\u0131. Ali \u00e7at\u0131\u015fmalar s\u0131ras\u0131nda kaybolmu\u015ftu. Kad\u0131n oradan ayr\u0131lm\u0131yordu.&#8221; &#8220;Her sabah nizamiyeye gelirdi.&#8221; R\u00fcya elimi s\u0131kt\u0131. &#8220;Babam ondan hi\u00e7 bahsetti mi?&#8221; &#8220;Bilmiyorum,&#8221; dedim Polat\u2019\u0131 s\u00fczerek. &#8220;Hat\u0131rlayam\u0131yorum.&#8221; Polat ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 sallad\u0131. &#8220;Kemal az\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 onunla payla\u015ft\u0131, mektup yazmas\u0131na yard\u0131m etti, durmadan Ali\u2019yi sordu. Baz\u0131 g\u00fcnler Kemal onu g\u00fcld\u00fcrmeyi bile ba\u015far\u0131rd\u0131. Ali\u2019yi aramaya devam edece\u011fine s\u00f6z vermi\u015fti.&#8221; Mert araya girdi. &#8220;Onu bulabildiler mi?&#8221; Polat\u2019\u0131n omuzlar\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fc. &#8220;Babam ondan hi\u00e7 bahsetti mi?&#8221; &#8220;Hay\u0131r, asla bulamad\u0131lar. Bir g\u00fcn Elif\u2019e tahliye edilece\u011fi s\u00f6ylendi. Bu y\u00fcz\u00fc\u011f\u00fc Kemal\u2019in eline tutu\u015fturup yalvard\u0131: &#8216;E\u011fer kocam\u0131 bulursan bunu ona ver. Ona bekledi\u011fimi s\u00f6yle.&#8217; &#8221; Duraksad\u0131, sesi \u00e7atalla\u015ft\u0131. &#8220;Birka\u00e7 hafta sonra, nakledildi\u011fi b\u00f6lgede \u00e7at\u0131\u015fma \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6\u011frendik.&#8221; Avucumdaki y\u00fcz\u00fc\u011fe bakt\u0131m, yetmi\u015f iki y\u0131l\u0131n a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131 aniden daha da a\u011f\u0131rla\u015ft\u0131. &#8220;Peki neden y\u00fcz\u00fck sendeydi?&#8221; diye sordum. Polat g\u00f6zlerimin i\u00e7ine bakt\u0131. &#8220;Kemal birka\u00e7 y\u0131l \u00f6nceki kal\u00e7a ameliyat\u0131ndan sonra onu bana g\u00f6nderdi. \u0130z s\u00fcrme konusunda hala benden iyisi olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6yledi. Elif\u2019in ailesini, her ihtimale kar\u015f\u0131 yeniden bulmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131p \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmayaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 sordu. Denedim G\u00fclten Han\u0131m. Bulunacak hi\u00e7bir \u015fey kalmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131.&#8221; &#8220;Bu y\u00fcz\u00fc\u011f\u00fc Kemal\u2019in eline tutu\u015fturup yalvard\u0131.&#8221; Kemal\u2019in eski mendiliyle y\u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fc sildim. &#8220;Bu y\u00fczden onu onun i\u00e7in saklad\u0131m. Vefat edince bunun size, onun yan\u0131na ait oldu\u011funu anlad\u0131m.&#8221; Derin bir nefes ald\u0131m. &#8220;Anne?&#8221; K\u0131z\u0131ma bakt\u0131m. &#8220;Bana bir dakika ver can\u0131m.&#8221; \u0130lk notu a\u00e7t\u0131m: Kemal\u2019in el yaz\u0131s\u0131; t\u0131pk\u0131 al\u0131\u015fveri\u015f listelerinden ve do\u011fum g\u00fcn\u00fc kartlar\u0131ndan hat\u0131rlad\u0131\u011f\u0131m gibi e\u011fri b\u00fc\u011fr\u00fc ama kararl\u0131yd\u0131. Kemal\u2019in eski mendiliyle y\u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fc sildim. &#8220;G\u00fclten, Sana bu y\u00fcz\u00fckten bahsetmeyi hep istedim ama do\u011fru an\u0131 hi\u00e7 bulamad\u0131m. Onu bunca y\u0131l saklad\u0131m \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc sava\u015f bana a\u015fk\u0131n ne kadar \u00e7abuk yok olabilece\u011fini g\u00f6sterdi. Bunu asla sen bana yetmedi\u011fin i\u00e7in yapmad\u0131m. Ba\u015fka birine tutunmakla da ilgisi yoktu. Aksine, bu beni her s\u0131radan g\u00fcnde seni daha \u00e7ok sevmeye itti. Umar\u0131m tutunaca\u011f\u0131n tek bir \u015fey olur: Sen benim her zaman sa\u011f salim d\u00f6nd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm s\u0131\u011f\u0131na\u011f\u0131md\u0131n. Daima senin, K.&#8221; &#8220;Sava\u015f bana a\u015fk\u0131n ne kadar \u00e7abuk yok olabilece\u011fini g\u00f6sterdi.&#8221; G\u00f6zlerim yand\u0131. Bir an i\u00e7in kendisinin o k\u0131sm\u0131n\u0131 bana hi\u00e7 g\u00f6stermedi\u011fi i\u00e7in ona \u00f6fkelendim. Sonra kelimelerin i\u00e7inden onun sesini duydum; sade ve kendinden emin&#8230; \u00d6fkem yat\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Polat nazik\u00e7e bo\u011faz\u0131n\u0131 temizledi. &#8220;Bir not daha var G\u00fclten Han\u0131m. Elif\u2019in ailesi i\u00e7in. Kemal y\u00fcz\u00fc\u011f\u00fc bana g\u00f6nderdi\u011finde yazm\u0131\u015f.&#8221; &#8220;Oku anneanne.&#8221; \u0130kinci ka\u011f\u0131d\u0131 al\u0131rken ellerim titriyordu. Kendisinin o k\u0131sm\u0131n\u0131 bana hi\u00e7 g\u00f6stermedi\u011fi i\u00e7in ona \u00f6fkelendim. &#8220;Elif\u2019in ailesine, Bu y\u00fcz\u00fck korkun\u00e7 bir zamanda bana emanet edildi. Elif, e\u011fer bulunursa bunu kocas\u0131 Ali\u2019ye vermemi istemi\u015fti. Arad\u0131m. S\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc tutamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in \u00e7ok \u00fczg\u00fcn\u00fcm. Bilmenizi isterim ki o hi\u00e7 pes etmedi. Ali\u2019yi daha \u00f6nce veya o g\u00fcnden sonra hi\u00e7 g\u00f6rmedi\u011fim bir cesaretle bekledi. Bu y\u00fcz\u00fc\u011f\u00fc hayat\u0131m boyunca onlar\u0131n a\u015fk\u0131na ve fedakarl\u0131\u011f\u0131na olan sayg\u0131mdan dolay\u0131 saklad\u0131m. Kemal.&#8221; &#8220;S\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc tutamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in \u00e7ok \u00fczg\u00fcn\u00fcm.&#8221; Mert omzuma dokundu. &#8220;Anneanne, belki de sadece y\u00fcz\u00fc\u011f\u00fc b\u0131rakmaya k\u0131yamad\u0131.&#8221; Ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 sallad\u0131m. &#8220;Asla bilmedi\u011fim pek \u00e7ok \u015fey ta\u015f\u0131m\u0131\u015f.&#8221; Polat\u2019\u0131n sesi yumu\u015fakt\u0131. &#8220;Hi\u00e7 unutmad\u0131.&#8221; &#8220;O zaman lay\u0131\u011f\u0131yla huzura kavu\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131 sa\u011flayaca\u011f\u0131m,&#8221; dedim. Aileme bakt\u0131m. Kendi y\u00fcz\u00fc\u011f\u00fcyle oynayan R\u00fcya, cesur g\u00f6r\u00fcnmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan Mert&#8230; &#8220;Dedenin i\u00e7inde hala s\u00fcrprizler kald\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilmeliydim,&#8221; diyebildim, g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131 i\u00e7inde g\u00fcl\u00fcmseyerek. Polat \u00f6ne \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131, elimi nazik\u00e7e tuttu. &#8220;Seni \u00e7ok sevdi G\u00fclten. Bundan hi\u00e7 \u015f\u00fcphen olmas\u0131n.&#8221; G\u00f6zlerinin i\u00e7ine bakt\u0131m. &#8220;Yetmi\u015f iki y\u0131ldan sonra Polat, \u00f6yle oldu\u011funu umuyorum.&#8221; &#8220;Asla bilmedi\u011fim pek \u00e7ok \u015fey ta\u015f\u0131m\u0131\u015f.&#8221; O gece, herkes gittikten sonra, kuca\u011f\u0131mda o kutuyla mutfakta tek ba\u015f\u0131ma oturdum. Kemal\u2019in kupas\u0131 hala bula\u015f\u0131kl\u0131kta duruyordu. H\u0131rkas\u0131 kiler kap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n yan\u0131ndaki ask\u0131da, \u00f6lmeden bir hafta \u00f6nce b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131 yerde as\u0131l\u0131yd\u0131. O h\u0131rkaya uzun s\u00fcre bakt\u0131m. Cenazedeki o korkun\u00e7 an boyunca, kocam\u0131 iki kez kaybetti\u011fimi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm; bir kez \u00f6l\u00fcme, bir kez de anlamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir s\u0131rra. Sonra kutuyu tekrar a\u00e7t\u0131m, y\u00fcz\u00fc\u011f\u00fc \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131m, Kemal\u2019in notuna sard\u0131m ve ikisini de kadife bir kesenin i\u00e7ine yerle\u015ftirdim. Kocam\u0131 iki kez kaybetti\u011fimi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm. Ertesi sabah, mezarl\u0131k ziyaret\u00e7ilerle dolmadan \u00f6nce, Mert beni Kemal\u2019in mezar\u0131na g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fc. Yak\u0131n\u0131na park etti, dikiz aynas\u0131ndan bana bakt\u0131. &#8220;Seninle gelmemi ister misin anneanne?&#8221; Ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 sallad\u0131m. &#8220;Sadece bir dakikal\u0131\u011f\u0131na yavrum. Deden yaln\u0131z kalmay\u0131 hi\u00e7 sevmezdi.&#8221; Arabadan inerken, t\u0131pk\u0131 dedesinin eskiden yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 gibi koluna girmeme izin verdi. Otlar \u00e7i\u011fden dolay\u0131 kaygand\u0131 ve \u00e7itlerin \u00fczerindeki kargalar bize eski dostlarm\u0131\u015f gibi bak\u0131yordu. &#8220;Seninle gelmemi ister misin anneanne?&#8221; Dikkatlice diz \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fcm ve k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck kadife keseyi Kemal\u2019in foto\u011fraf\u0131n\u0131n yan\u0131na, taze zambaklar\u0131n saplar\u0131 aras\u0131na yerle\u015ftirdim. Mert karars\u0131zca yan\u0131mda duruyordu. &#8220;\u0130yi misin?&#8221; G\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131 i\u00e7inde g\u00fcl\u00fcmsedim ve ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 sallad\u0131m. Sonra ba\u015f parma\u011f\u0131mla foto\u011fraf\u0131n kenar\u0131n\u0131 ok\u015fad\u0131m. &#8220;Seni inat\u00e7\u0131 adam. O korkun\u00e7 dakikada, bana yalan s\u00f6yledi\u011fini sanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m.&#8221; &#8220;Seni ger\u00e7ekten sevmi\u015f anneanne.&#8221; G\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131 i\u00e7inde g\u00fcl\u00fcmsedim. Ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 sallad\u0131m. &#8220;Yetmi\u015f iki y\u0131l yavrum. Onun her par\u00e7as\u0131n\u0131 bildi\u011fimi san\u0131yordum.&#8221; Kemal\u2019in foto\u011fraf\u0131na, sonra da zambaklar\u0131n yan\u0131nda duran k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck keseye bakt\u0131m. &#8220;G\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fc\u015fe g\u00f6re,&#8221; dedim sessizce, &#8220;sadece beni en \u00e7ok seven k\u0131sm\u0131n\u0131 biliyormu\u015fum.&#8221; Mert kolumu s\u0131kt\u0131 ve kendimi a\u011flamaya b\u0131rakt\u0131m; Kemal\u2019in sonsuza dek saklayaca\u011f\u0131m o par\u00e7as\u0131 i\u00e7in minnettard\u0131m. Ve bunun yeterli oldu\u011funu fark ettim. &#8220;Yetmi\u015f iki y\u0131l yavrum. Onun her par\u00e7as\u0131n\u0131 bildi\u011fimi san\u0131yordum.&#8221;\n\n\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl>\n\t\t\t<br style='clear: both' \/>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5651,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5650","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-foto-galeri"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5650","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5650"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5650\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5653,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5650\/revisions\/5653"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5651"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5650"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5650"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5650"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}