{"id":5065,"date":"2026-03-29T23:29:10","date_gmt":"2026-03-29T23:29:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/?p=5065"},"modified":"2026-03-29T23:29:10","modified_gmt":"2026-03-29T23:29:10","slug":"iki-yil-once-on-bir-yasindaki-kizim-defneyi-topraga-verdim-esim-selim-hastane-evraklari-ve-cenaze-islemleriyle-ilgilenirken-ben-adeta-dunyadan-kopmustum","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/iki-yil-once-on-bir-yasindaki-kizim-defneyi-topraga-verdim-esim-selim-hastane-evraklari-ve-cenaze-islemleriyle-ilgilenirken-ben-adeta-dunyadan-kopmustum\/","title":{"rendered":"\u0130ki y\u0131l \u00f6nce, on bir ya\u015f\u0131ndaki k\u0131z\u0131m Defne\u2019yi topra\u011fa verdim. E\u015fim Selim hastane evraklar\u0131 ve cenaze i\u015flemleriyle ilgilenirken, ben adeta d\u00fcnyadan kopmu\u015ftum."},"content":{"rendered":"\n\t\t<style type=\"text\/css\">\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 {\n\t\t\t\tmargin: auto;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 .gallery-item {\n\t\t\t\tfloat: left;\n\t\t\t\tmargin-top: 10px;\n\t\t\t\ttext-align: center;\n\t\t\t\twidth: 33%;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 img {\n\t\t\t\tborder: 2px solid #cfcfcf;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 .gallery-caption {\n\t\t\t\tmargin-left: 0;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t\/* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes\/media.php *\/\n\t\t<\/style>\n\t\t<div id='gallery-1' class='gallery galleryid-5065 gallery-columns-3 gallery-size-thumbnail'><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/iki-yil-once-on-bir-yasindaki-kizim-defneyi-topraga-verdim-esim-selim-hastane-evraklari-ve-cenaze-islemleriyle-ilgilenirken-ben-adeta-dunyadan-kopmustum\/ff-51\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/ff-20-150x150.webp\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-1-5066\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-1-5066'>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cTitreyen ellerimle kap\u0131 kolunu kavrad\u0131m ve kap\u0131y\u0131 ard\u0131na kadar a\u00e7t\u0131m. \u0130\u00e7eri ad\u0131m\u0131m\u0131 att\u0131\u011f\u0131mda kar\u015f\u0131mda g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm manzara, ger\u00e7ekli\u011fe dair bildi\u011fim her \u015feyi sonsuza dek par\u00e7alayacakt\u0131\u2026\u201d\n\nM\u00fcd\u00fcr\u00fcn devasa deri koltu\u011funda, ayaklar\u0131 yere zar zor de\u011fen, \u00fczerinde biraz bol gelen gri, y\u0131pranm\u0131\u015f bir h\u0131rka olan k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir k\u0131z oturuyordu. Dizlerinin \u00fczerinde kavu\u015fturdu\u011fu elleri yaprak gibi titriyor, ba\u015f\u0131 \u00f6ne e\u011fik duruyordu. Kap\u0131n\u0131n \u015fiddetle a\u00e7\u0131lma sesiyle birlikte irkilerek ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 h\u0131zla kald\u0131rd\u0131. O an zaman durdu. Nefesim bo\u011faz\u0131mda d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmlendi, g\u00f6\u011f\u00fcs kafesime batan g\u00f6r\u00fcnmez i\u011fneler kalbimi durduracakm\u0131\u015f gibi oldu. G\u00f6z g\u00f6ze geldik.\n\nO iri, korku dolu ela g\u00f6zler\u2026 Sol yana\u011f\u0131nda, tam elmac\u0131k kemi\u011finin alt\u0131ndaki o k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck, y\u0131ld\u0131z \u015feklindeki \u00e7ilek lekesi\u2026 \u00c7enesi boynuna do\u011fru hafif\u00e7e k\u0131vr\u0131lan, her gece r\u00fcyalar\u0131mda g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm o tan\u0131d\u0131k y\u00fcz hatlar\u0131\u2026\n\nBu bir benzerlik de\u011fildi. Bu ac\u0131m\u0131n yaratt\u0131\u011f\u0131 ac\u0131mas\u0131z bir hal\u00fcsinasyon, karanl\u0131k bir oyun da de\u011fildi. Kar\u015f\u0131mda duran, etiyle kemi\u011fiyle, nefes alan benim k\u0131z\u0131md\u0131. Defne\u2019ydi. \u0130ki y\u0131l \u00f6nceki o kahredici g\u00fcnden bu yana hi\u00e7 b\u00fcy\u00fcmemi\u015f gibiydi ama g\u00f6zlerindeki o \u00e7ocuksu masumiyetin yerini derin bir yorgunluk alm\u0131\u015ft\u0131.\n\n\u201cAnne?\u201d dedi titrek, c\u0131l\u0131z bir f\u0131s\u0131lt\u0131yla. Sesi, telefonda duydu\u011fum o ince, korkmu\u015f sesti. Sesindeki o \u00e7aresizlik t\u0131n\u0131s\u0131 ruhumu ortadan ikiye yard\u0131.\n\nDizlerimin ba\u011f\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcld\u00fc. Yere y\u0131\u011f\u0131lmamak i\u00e7in kap\u0131 pervaz\u0131na s\u0131k\u0131ca tutunmak zorunda kald\u0131m. Akl\u0131m, g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm bu imk\u00e2ns\u0131z manzaray\u0131 reddetmek i\u00e7in \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131n\u0131yordu. \u0130ki y\u0131l \u00f6nce, \u00fczerine toprak at\u0131l\u0131rken sinir krizleri ge\u00e7irdi\u011fim o k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck beyaz tabut, mezar ta\u015f\u0131na dokundu\u011fum o buz gibi anlar beynimde yank\u0131lan\u0131yordu. Ama bedenim, bir annenin en ilkel i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcleri benden \u00f6nce davrand\u0131. Ona do\u011fru sendeledim, sonra bir ad\u0131m daha att\u0131m. \u00d6n\u00fcnde diz \u00e7\u00f6k\u00fcp kollar\u0131m\u0131 boynuna sard\u0131\u011f\u0131mda hissetti\u011fim o tan\u0131d\u0131k sabun ve vanilya kokusu, zihnimdeki t\u00fcm kara bulutlar\u0131 da\u011f\u0131tt\u0131.\n\nOna dokunabiliyordum. O ger\u00e7ekti. \u00dc\u015f\u00fcyordu ama s\u0131cac\u0131kt\u0131.\n\n\u201cDefne\u2026 Benim g\u00fczel bebe\u011fim,\u201d diye h\u0131\u00e7k\u0131rd\u0131m, kurumu\u015f, birbirine dolanm\u0131\u015f sa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6p\u00fcc\u00fckler ard\u0131nda b\u0131rak\u0131rken. \u201cNas\u0131l olur? Sen\u2026 Biz seni kaybettik. Ben seni kendi ellerimle\u2026\u201d C\u00fcmlemi tamamlayamad\u0131m. Bo\u011faz\u0131mdan sadece ac\u0131 dolu bir inilti d\u00f6k\u00fcld\u00fc.\n\nDefne incecik kollar\u0131n\u0131 boynuma dolad\u0131, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bedeni sars\u0131larak a\u011fl\u0131yordu. \u201c\u00c7ok korktum anne,\u201d diye h\u0131\u00e7k\u0131rd\u0131 g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcme ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6merken. \u201cBeni b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131 o evden ka\u00e7mak \u00e7ok zordu. Kap\u0131lar\u0131 hep kilitliyorlard\u0131. Seni bulamayaca\u011f\u0131m diye \u00e7ok korktum.\u201d\n\nM\u00fcd\u00fcr masas\u0131n\u0131n arkas\u0131nda \u015fa\u015fk\u0131nl\u0131ktan donakalm\u0131\u015f, eli telefonun ahizesinde ne yapaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilemez halde bize bak\u0131yordu. G\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131m\u0131 elimin tersiyle silip Defne\u2019nin y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc avu\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131n aras\u0131na ald\u0131m. Y\u00fcz\u00fc solgundu, yanaklar\u0131 i\u00e7ine \u00e7\u00f6km\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc.\n\n\u201cSeni kim b\u0131rakt\u0131 bir tanem? Hangi evden, kimden ka\u00e7t\u0131n?\u201d Sesimdeki titremeyi gizlemeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordum ama i\u00e7imde uyanan karanl\u0131k bir \u015f\u00fcphe, zehirli bir sarma\u015f\u0131k gibi kalbimi sarmaya ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 bile.\n\nDefne burnunu \u00e7ekti, o ela g\u00f6zlerini benim ya\u015fl\u0131 g\u00f6zlerime dikti. \u201cBabam,\u201d dedi yutkunarak\n\n\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon portrait'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/iki-yil-once-on-bir-yasindaki-kizim-defneyi-topraga-verdim-esim-selim-hastane-evraklari-ve-cenaze-islemleriyle-ilgilenirken-ben-adeta-dunyadan-kopmustum\/2-yil\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/2-YIL-150x150.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-1-5067\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-1-5067'>\n\t\t\t\tKelime dudaklar\u0131ndan d\u00f6k\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fc an odan\u0131n i\u00e7indeki t\u00fcm oksijenin \u00e7ekildi\u011fini hissettim.\n\n\u201c\u0130ki y\u0131l \u00f6nce\u2026 O g\u00fcn okuldan beni babam ald\u0131. Senin kaza ge\u00e7irdi\u011fini, seni hastaneye g\u00f6t\u00fcrece\u011fini s\u00f6yledi. Ama beni \u00e7ok uzaklara, ba\u015fka bir \u015fehre, hi\u00e7 tan\u0131mad\u0131\u011f\u0131m o insanlara g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fc. Adam\u0131n biri babama kal\u0131n bir zarf verdi. Babam da bana, \u2018Art\u0131k ad\u0131n Aylin, burada ya\u015fayacaks\u0131n. E\u011fer ka\u00e7maya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rsan annene \u00e7ok k\u00f6t\u00fc \u015feyler yaparlar\u2019 dedi. Seni korumak zorundayd\u0131m anne\u2026 O y\u00fczden hep sustum.\u201d\n\nS\u00f6zc\u00fckler, havada as\u0131l\u0131 kalm\u0131\u015f pasl\u0131 b\u0131\u00e7aklar gibi tek tek g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcme saplan\u0131yordu. Selim\u2019in evden \u00e7\u0131karken y\u00fcz\u00fcnde beliren o deh\u015fet ifadesi, arabam\u0131n anahtarlar\u0131n\u0131 almam\u0131 engellemeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmas\u0131, \u201cOraya gitme\u201d diye panikle yalvarmas\u0131\u2026 Par\u00e7alar zihnimde korkun\u00e7 bir g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fcyle yerine oturuyordu. Kaza dedikleri o yang\u0131n. Kapal\u0131 tabut kural\u0131. \u201cY\u00fcz\u00fc tan\u0131nmayacak halde, onu bu \u015fekilde hat\u0131rlaman\u0131 istemiyorum\u201d diyerek beni a\u011f\u0131r sakinle\u015ftiricilerle uyutmas\u0131. Otopsi raporlar\u0131n\u0131n asla bana g\u00f6sterilmemesi. Hastane s\u00fcre\u00e7lerini, cenaze i\u015flerini tek ba\u015f\u0131na, beni kimseyle g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcrmeden apar topar halletmesi\u2026\n\nBen her g\u00fcn mezar\u0131n\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131nda ac\u0131mla azar azar \u00f6l\u00fcrken, o kendi k\u0131z\u0131n\u0131 karanl\u0131k bir pazarl\u0131\u011f\u0131n i\u00e7ine satm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Selim\u2019in iflas etti\u011fini duydu\u011fum o eski dedikodular, gizlice yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 gece yar\u0131s\u0131 telefon g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fmeleri\u2026 Tefecilere olan borcu y\u00fcz\u00fcnden kendi kan\u0131ndan, can\u0131ndan olan k\u0131z\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 karanl\u0131k bir \u00e7eteye feda etmi\u015fti. Ve beni, u\u011fruna ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131 bitirdi\u011fim \u00f6l\u00fc bir \u00e7ocu\u011fun yas\u0131na mahk\u00fbm etmi\u015fti.\n\nO an i\u00e7imdeki o k\u0131r\u0131lgan, yas tutan, hayata k\u00fcsm\u00fc\u015f o zavall\u0131 kad\u0131n \u00f6ld\u00fc. Yerine, yavrusunu korumak i\u00e7in d\u00fcnyay\u0131 yakmaya, da\u011flar\u0131 devirmeye haz\u0131r bir anne do\u011fdu. Aya\u011fa kalkt\u0131m, bedenim art\u0131k titremeyi b\u0131rakm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Defne\u2019yi arkama ald\u0131m, bedenimi ona siper ettim.\n\nM\u00fcd\u00fcre d\u00f6nd\u00fcm. \u201cL\u00fctfen polisi aray\u0131n,\u201d dedim buz gibi, kendimin bile tan\u0131makta zorland\u0131\u011f\u0131 net bir sesle. \u201cHemen \u015fimdi. Cinayet b\u00fcroyu isteyin. Ortada sahte bir \u00f6l\u00fcm var.\u201d\n\nM\u00fcd\u00fcr titreyen elleriyle numaray\u0131 \u00e7evirdi\u011fi s\u0131rada, koridordan ko\u015far ad\u0131m gelen tela\u015fl\u0131 ayak sesleri duyuldu. Kap\u0131 b\u00fcy\u00fck bir g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fcyle a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131 ve Selim nefes nefese i\u00e7eri dald\u0131. G\u00f6zleri \u00f6nce bana, sonra arkamda korkuyla h\u0131rkas\u0131na sar\u0131lan Defne\u2019ye tak\u0131ld\u0131. Y\u00fcz\u00fcndeki o \u015fefkatli koca maskesi, o ac\u0131l\u0131 baba rol\u00fc saniyeler i\u00e7inde parampar\u00e7a olmu\u015f, yerini k\u00f6\u015feye s\u0131k\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f, su\u00e7\u00fcst\u00fc yakalanm\u0131\u015f bir canavar\u0131n pani\u011fi alm\u0131\u015ft\u0131.\n\n\u201cHayat\u0131m,\u201d dedi kekeleyerek, ellerini teslim olur gibi havaya kald\u0131r\u0131p bana do\u011fru bir ad\u0131m atarken. \u201cBana izin ver, her \u015feyi a\u00e7\u0131klayabilirim. Bizi \u00f6ld\u00fcreceklerdi! Her \u015feyi sizin i\u00e7in, bizi korumak i\u00e7in yapt\u0131m. Ba\u015fka \u00e7arem yoktu!\u201d\n\nBana do\u011fru bir ad\u0131m daha att\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, elime ge\u00e7en ilk \u015feyi, m\u00fcd\u00fcr\u00fcn masas\u0131nda duran a\u011f\u0131r, demir k\u00e2\u011f\u0131t tutaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u0131k\u0131ca kavrad\u0131m ve ona do\u011fru \u00f6fkeyle kald\u0131rd\u0131m.\n\n\u201cBir ad\u0131m daha atarsan,\u201d diye t\u0131slad\u0131m, sesim odan\u0131n duvarlar\u0131nda adeta bir aslan\u0131n k\u00fckremesi gibi yank\u0131land\u0131. \u201cSeni kendi ellerimle o iki y\u0131ld\u0131r ba\u015fucunda a\u011flad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bo\u015f mezara g\u00f6merim Selim! Sak\u0131n yakla\u015fma!\u201d\n\nSelim\u2019in y\u00fcz\u00fcndeki kan \u00e7ekildi. Benim g\u00f6zlerimdeki o saf nefretle kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, geri ad\u0131m atmak zorunda kald\u0131. Uzaklardan, giderek yakla\u015fan polis sirenleri duyulmaya ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131nda oldu\u011fu yere \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fc ve ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 ellerinin aras\u0131na ald\u0131. Art\u0131k ne yalanlar\u0131 kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 ne de ka\u00e7acak bir deli\u011fi.\n\nO g\u00fcn, iki y\u0131ll\u0131k o bo\u011fucu karanl\u0131k sonsuza dek sona erdi. \u0130nsanlar zamanla ac\u0131n\u0131n hafifledi\u011fini s\u00f6ylerler. Belki de yan\u0131l\u0131yorlard\u0131r. Ger\u00e7ek ac\u0131, can\u0131ndan \u00e7ok sevdi\u011finin \u00f6ld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc sand\u0131\u011f\u0131nda de\u011fil; en g\u00fcvendi\u011fin insan\u0131n, hayat arkada\u015f\u0131n\u0131n onu senden \u00e7ald\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlad\u0131\u011f\u0131nda ba\u015flar. Ama \u015fimdi, s\u0131rt\u0131ma yaslanm\u0131\u015f k\u0131z\u0131m\u0131n o k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck, h\u0131zl\u0131 kalp at\u0131\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 hissederken bir \u015feyi \u00e7ok iyi biliyordum: Bu hayatta hi\u00e7bir karanl\u0131k, hi\u00e7bir yalan onu bir daha benden koparamayacakt\u0131. Hayaletler silinmi\u015fti. Yas bitmi\u015fti.\n\n\u015eimdi sadece ben ve k\u0131z\u0131m vard\u0131k.\n\n\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl>\n\t\t\t<br style='clear: both' \/>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5066,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5065","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-foto-galeri"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5065","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5065"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5065\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5068,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5065\/revisions\/5068"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5066"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5065"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5065"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5065"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}