{"id":5808,"date":"2026-04-24T19:24:34","date_gmt":"2026-04-24T19:24:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/ssd.jpg"},"modified":"2026-04-24T19:24:47","modified_gmt":"2026-04-24T19:24:47","slug":"ssd-2","status":"inherit","type":"attachment","link":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/buyuk-fedakarlik-ve-aci-gercek\/ssd-2\/","title":{"rendered":"B\u00fcy\u00fck Fedakarl\u0131k ve Ac\u0131 Ger\u00e7ek"},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":[],"class_list":["post-5808","attachment","type-attachment","status-inherit","hentry"],"description":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n"},"caption":{"rendered":"

E\u015fimi gen\u00e7 ya\u015fta topra\u011fa verdi\u011fimde, o mezara gen\u00e7li\u011fimi, hayallerimi ve t\u00fcm umutlar\u0131m\u0131 da g\u00f6mm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm asl\u0131nda. Otuz iki ya\u015f\u0131ndayd\u0131m, kuca\u011f\u0131mda \u00fc\u00e7 ya\u015f\u0131nda k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck o\u011flum, ete\u011fime yap\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f yedi ya\u015f\u0131nda b\u00fcy\u00fck o\u011flumla d\u0131md\u0131zlak kalakalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m bu koca d\u00fcnyada. Sa\u00e7\u0131m\u0131 s\u00fcp\u00fcrge etmek laf\u0131 benim i\u00e7in bir deyim de\u011fil, hayat\u0131n ta kendisiydi. T\u0131rnaklar\u0131mla kaz\u0131yarak, merdiven silerek, geceleri g\u00f6z nuru d\u00f6k\u00fcp diki\u015f dikerek b\u00fcy\u00fctt\u00fcm iki evlad\u0131m\u0131. Bo\u011faz\u0131mdan bir lokma s\u0131cak et ge\u00e7medi belki y\u0131llarca; yemedim yedirdim, giymedim giydirdim. \u0130kisi de okudu, meslek sahibi oldu, yuvalar\u0131n\u0131 kurdu. Ben de kendi halimde, rahmetli e\u015fimden kalan bah\u00e7eli, iki g\u00f6z ah\u015fap evimde an\u0131lar\u0131mla ba\u015f ba\u015fa yaln\u0131z ya\u015f\u0131yordum.<\/p>\n

Ya\u015f\u0131m ilerleyip dizlerimde derman azal\u0131nca, k\u0131\u015f\u0131n oca\u011f\u0131 yakmak, \u00e7at\u0131 akt\u0131\u011f\u0131nda kiremitleri onarmak zor gelmeye ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Bir g\u00fcn b\u00fcy\u00fck o\u011flum \u00e7\u0131kageldi. “Anne,” dedi, “Ne i\u015fin var sobayla falan tek ba\u015f\u0131na? Hastalanacaks\u0131n bu rutubetli evde. Sat buray\u0131, gel yan\u0131m\u0131za. Evimiz geni\u015f, ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnde yerin var.” Can\u0131mdan kan\u0131mdan evlad\u0131md\u0131, benim i\u00e7in sa\u00e7\u0131n\u0131 s\u00fcp\u00fcrge edece\u011fi g\u00fcnlerin geldi\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm. Nas\u0131l g\u00fcvenmezdim? E\u015fimin emaneti o k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck evi satt\u0131m, paras\u0131n\u0131 da “Banka bor\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 kapats\u0131nlar, rahat etsinler” diye son kuru\u015funa kadar ellerine sayd\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Ba\u015fta her \u015fey fena de\u011fildi. Torunlar\u0131mla oynuyor, gelinime mutfakta yard\u0131m ediyor, kendi \u00e7ap\u0131mda i\u015fe yaramaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordum. Fakat aradan birka\u00e7 ay ge\u00e7tikten sonra gelinim bana surat asmaya, evde g\u00f6lgemden bile rahats\u0131z olmaya ba\u015flad\u0131. G\u00f6z\u00fcme batan bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131, i\u00e7 \u00e7ektikleri, kap\u0131lar\u0131 sert kapatmalar\u0131 g\u00fcn ge\u00e7tik\u00e7e art\u0131yordu. Bir ak\u015fam yeme\u011finde, “Anne sen bundan sonra tependeki odanda ye,” dedi gelinim buz gibi bir sesle. “\u00c7ocuklar senin \u00f6ks\u00fcr\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnden i\u011freniyor, mideleri bulan\u0131yormu\u015f.” Tabak \u00e7ana\u011f\u0131m\u0131, barda\u011f\u0131m\u0131 bile ay\u0131rd\u0131lar. Sesimi \u00e7\u0131karmad\u0131m. “Aman evlatlar\u0131m\u0131n huzuru ka\u00e7mas\u0131n” diye boynumu b\u00fck\u00fcp, o rutubetli \u00e7at\u0131 kat\u0131na hapsettim kendimi. En \u00e7ok da o\u011flumun susmas\u0131, kar\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n her hakaretine g\u00f6z yummas\u0131 yak\u0131yordu can\u0131m\u0131. Bazen bana masan\u0131n ucundan \u00f6yle bir bak\u0131yordu ki, bir anne de\u011fil, at\u0131lmas\u0131 gereken eski bir e\u015fya, bir s\u0131\u011f\u0131nt\u0131 oldu\u011fumu iliklerime kadar hissediyordum.<\/p>\n

Karanl\u0131k Yolculuk ve Kopan Son Ba\u011f
\nGe\u00e7en Sal\u0131 g\u00fcn\u00fc hava buz gibiydi, g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fc kur\u015fun rengiydi. O\u011flum aniden odama girdi. G\u00f6zlerini ka\u00e7\u0131rarak, “Anne, kalk toparlan. Seni k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck karde\u015fime g\u00f6t\u00fcrece\u011fim, biraz da orada kal. Bizimkiler bunald\u0131,” dedi. \u0130tiraz etmeme, “O\u011flum hava so\u011fuk, karde\u015fim m\u00fcsait mi?” diye sormama bile f\u0131rsat vermeden dolaptaki \u00fc\u00e7 be\u015f par\u00e7a k\u0131yafetimi iki siyah \u00e7\u00f6p po\u015fetine t\u0131kt\u0131lar. Ne gelinim veda etti, ne torunlar\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Arabaya bindik. Yolda hi\u00e7 konu\u015fmad\u0131, radyosunu a\u00e7t\u0131, d\u00f6n\u00fcp y\u00fcz\u00fcme bir kez olsun bakmad\u0131. Camdan d\u0131\u015far\u0131 ak\u0131p giden a\u011fa\u00e7lara bakarken i\u00e7imde tarif edilemez bir s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131 b\u00fcy\u00fcyordu. \u015eehrin epey d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda, in cin top oynayan, etraf\u0131nda tek bir ev bile olmayan \u0131ss\u0131z bir otob\u00fcs dura\u011f\u0131nda arabay\u0131 aniden durdurdu. “Anne sen in burada bekle,” dedi tela\u015fl\u0131 bir sesle. “Benzin ibresi s\u0131f\u0131rda, yolda kalmayal\u0131m. \u015eu ilerideki benzinlikten al\u0131p hemen d\u00f6nece\u011fim.” \u0130ndim, siyah po\u015fetlerimi de ayaklar\u0131m\u0131n dibine b\u0131rakt\u0131. Gaza \u00f6yle bir bast\u0131 ki, tekerleklerin s\u0131\u00e7ratt\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00e7amurlu su mantoma s\u0131\u00e7rad\u0131…<\/p>\n"},"alt_text":"","media_type":"image","mime_type":"image\/jpeg","media_details":{"width":610,"height":760,"file":"2026\/04\/ssd.jpg","filesize":135883,"sizes":{"medium":{"file":"ssd-241x300.jpg","width":241,"height":300,"filesize":15160,"mime_type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/ssd-241x300.jpg"},"thumbnail":{"file":"ssd-150x150.jpg","width":150,"height":150,"filesize":5283,"mime_type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/ssd-150x150.jpg"},"full":{"file":"ssd.jpg","width":610,"height":760,"mime_type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/ssd.jpg"}},"image_meta":{"aperture":"0","credit":"","camera":"","caption":"","created_timestamp":"0","copyright":"","focal_length":"0","iso":"0","shutter_speed":"0","title":"","orientation":"0","keywords":[]}},"post":5807,"source_url":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/ssd.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5808","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/attachment"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5808"}],"wp:attached-to":[{"embeddable":true,"post_type":"post","id":5807,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5807"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}