{"id":3896,"date":"2025-07-24T21:11:29","date_gmt":"2025-07-24T21:11:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/kayinvalidem.jpg"},"modified":"2025-07-24T21:11:31","modified_gmt":"2025-07-24T21:11:31","slug":"kayinvalidem","status":"inherit","type":"attachment","link":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/kayinvalidem-vefat-ettikten-sonra\/kayinvalidem\/","title":{"rendered":"kayinvalidem"},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":[],"class_list":["post-3896","attachment","type-attachment","status-inherit","hentry"],"description":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n"},"caption":{"rendered":"

Kay\u0131npederimin \u00fczeri battaniyeyle \u00f6rt\u00fcl\u00fcyd\u00fc. Yerde, kanepenin hemen dibinde \u00f6ylece yat\u0131yordu. G\u00f6zlerimi a\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131mda \u00f6nce nerede oldu\u011fumu anlamad\u0131m, ba\u015f\u0131m h\u00e2l\u00e2 d\u00f6n\u00fcyordu, dudaklar\u0131m kurumu\u015ftu. O an g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm manzara beni \u00f6yle bir sarst\u0131 ki, bir an kalbim duracak sand\u0131m.<\/p>\n

\u201cNe\u2026 ne oluyor?\u201d diye f\u0131s\u0131ldad\u0131m, sesim zar zor \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n

Kay\u0131npederim yava\u015f\u00e7a ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 kald\u0131rd\u0131, y\u00fcz\u00fc bembeyaz, g\u00f6zleri dolu doluydu. \u00c7aresiz bir tebess\u00fcmle bana bakt\u0131.<\/p>\n

\u201cBeni affet k\u0131z\u0131m,\u201d dedi titrek bir sesle. \u201cSana\u2026 s\u00f6ylemem gerekirdi.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ne demek istedi\u011fini anlamam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. G\u00fcc\u00fcm yetti\u011fince do\u011frulmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131m ama v\u00fccudum h\u00e2l\u00e2 bana ihanet ediyordu, ellerim titriyor, kalbim \u00e7arp\u0131yordu. Yan\u0131ma geldi, yere \u00e7\u00f6meldi.<\/p>\n

\u201cSenin\u2026 senden ba\u015fka hi\u00e7 kimsem kalmad\u0131. O kadar b\u00fcy\u00fck bir yaln\u0131zl\u0131k ki\u2026 O yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131 sana y\u00fckledim. Biliyorum, y\u00fck\u00fcn a\u011f\u0131r oldu. Ama sana her g\u00fcn yemek getirmek, ayran yapmak, sofranda oturmak\u2026 bana yeniden nefes ald\u0131rd\u0131.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u015ea\u015fk\u0131n \u015fa\u015fk\u0131n ona bak\u0131yordum. \u201cAma\u2026 bana bir \u015feyler oluyor,\u201d diyebildim.<\/p>\n

G\u00f6zleri doldu. \u201cBen\u2026 ben sana hi\u00e7bir zaman zarar vermek istemedim. Sadece\u2026 biraz daha kalman i\u00e7in\u2026 yan\u0131mda, soframda\u2026 bir iki damla damlatt\u0131m ayrana, ho\u015fafa. Hafif bir \u015furup. Zarars\u0131z\u2026 \u00f6yle oldu\u011funu s\u00f6ylediler. Ama anla\u015f\u0131lan senin v\u00fccudun kald\u0131ramad\u0131. Beni affet\u2026 ben sadece gitmeni istemiyordum. Yan\u0131mda kalman\u0131, k\u0131z\u0131m gibi\u2026 k\u0131z\u0131m yerine koydum seni.\u201d<\/p>\n

O anda i\u00e7imde bir yer buz kesti, bir yer ise onun yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131na ac\u0131d\u0131. G\u00f6zleri k\u0131r\u0131\u015f k\u0131r\u0131\u015f olmu\u015f, y\u0131llar\u0131n h\u00fczn\u00fcyle dolu o y\u00fcz\u00fcyle bana bak\u0131yordu. Ne yapaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 bilemedim. Yaln\u0131zca ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 sallad\u0131m. \u201cNe yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilmiyordun,\u201d diyebildim.<\/p>\n

\u201cBilmiyordum,\u201d dedi. \u201cKorktum, kaybederim sand\u0131m. O\u011flum zaten seni anlam\u0131yor. O\u011flum zaten kendi d\u00fcnyas\u0131nda. Ama sen\u2026 sen her ak\u015fam bana sofray\u0131 kurdun, g\u00fcld\u00fcn, konu\u015ftun. Ben y\u0131llard\u0131r hi\u00e7 kimseyle b\u00f6yle konu\u015fmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. O y\u00fczden\u2026 korktum.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bir anda i\u00e7imdeki \u00f6fke yerini bir tuhaf h\u00fczne b\u0131rakt\u0131. Aya\u011fa kalkacak takatim yoktu ama elimle elini tuttum. \u201cBunu b\u00f6yle yapmamal\u0131yd\u0131n,\u201d dedim. \u201cBeni seviyorsan\u2026 bunu yapmamal\u0131yd\u0131n.\u201d<\/p>\n

G\u00f6zlerinden iki damla ya\u015f s\u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fc. Ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6n\u00fcne e\u011fdi. \u201cHakl\u0131s\u0131n\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

O ak\u015fam\u0131, sabaha kadar yan yana kanepede oturarak ge\u00e7irdik. Konu\u015ftuk. O bana gen\u00e7li\u011fini anlatt\u0131, kaybetti\u011fi kar\u0131s\u0131n\u0131, o\u011fluna kar\u015f\u0131 duydu\u011fu k\u0131rg\u0131nl\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131, bir daha bir sofra kurup kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na oturacak birini bulamayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 sand\u0131\u011f\u0131 geceleri anlatt\u0131. Ben de ona kendi korkular\u0131m\u0131, e\u015fime bile anlatmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7imdeki yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131 anlatt\u0131m. O ya\u015fl\u0131 elleriyle ellerimi tuttu.<\/p>\n

Sabah oldu\u011funda ikimiz de \u00e7ok yorgunduk ama i\u00e7imiz biraz daha hafifti. Ona bir s\u00f6z verdim: \u201cHer ak\u015fam yine sofram\u0131zda olacaks\u0131n. Ama bundan sonra bana hi\u00e7bir \u015fey kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131rmayacaks\u0131n. S\u00f6z ver.\u201d<\/p>\n

S\u00f6z verdi. O g\u00fcnden sonra ayranlar yine geldi, ho\u015faflar yine geldi ama tertemizdi. Bizim sofram\u0131zda art\u0131k yaln\u0131zl\u0131k yoktu. Onun bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131 daha huzurluydu. Benim ba\u015f\u0131m d\u00f6nmez oldu, lekelerim kayboldu.<\/p>\n

E\u015fim yine hal\u0131 sahalara, arkada\u015flar\u0131na gitti, gelmedi\u011fi geceler \u00e7ok oldu ama art\u0131k umurumda de\u011fildi. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc her ak\u015fam kar\u015f\u0131ma oturup \u201cHadi k\u0131z\u0131m, ziyan olmas\u0131n, i\u00e7 \u015fundan biraz\u201d diyen biri vard\u0131.<\/p>\n

Ve ben y\u0131llar sonra anlad\u0131m ki\u2026 bazen insanlar sevgiyi g\u00f6stermeyi bilemez. Bazen korkuyla kar\u0131\u015f\u0131k bir sahipleni\u015ftir yapt\u0131klar\u0131. Bazen de birinin sadece sofranda oturmas\u0131na, seni dinlemesine ihtiyac\u0131n vard\u0131r.<\/p>\n

Ben h\u00e2l\u00e2 o sofray\u0131 kuruyorum. O h\u00e2l\u00e2 elinde ayran\u0131yla geliyor. Ve ben art\u0131k her yudumda yaln\u0131zca onun sevgisini tad\u0131yorum.<\/p>\n

\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc \u00f6\u011frendim ki\u2026 her yaln\u0131z kalp asl\u0131nda biraz \u00e7ocuk kal\u0131r.<\/p>\n

Ve her sofra\u2026 biraz daha fazla sevgiyle kurulur.<\/p>\n"},"alt_text":"","media_type":"image","mime_type":"image\/jpeg","media_details":{"width":1024,"height":1536,"file":"2025\/07\/kayinvalidem.jpg","filesize":145164,"sizes":{"medium":{"file":"kayinvalidem-200x300.jpg","width":200,"height":300,"filesize":8595,"mime_type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/kayinvalidem-200x300.jpg"},"large":{"file":"kayinvalidem-683x1024.jpg","width":683,"height":1024,"filesize":70431,"mime_type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/kayinvalidem-683x1024.jpg"},"thumbnail":{"file":"kayinvalidem-150x150.jpg","width":150,"height":150,"filesize":3761,"mime_type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/kayinvalidem-150x150.jpg"},"medium_large":{"file":"kayinvalidem-768x1152.jpg","width":768,"height":1152,"filesize":89449,"mime_type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/kayinvalidem-768x1152.jpg"},"full":{"file":"kayinvalidem.jpg","width":1024,"height":1536,"mime_type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/kayinvalidem.jpg"}},"image_meta":{"aperture":"0","credit":"","camera":"","caption":"","created_timestamp":"0","copyright":"","focal_length":"0","iso":"0","shutter_speed":"0","title":"","orientation":"0","keywords":[]}},"post":3894,"source_url":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/kayinvalidem.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3896","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/attachment"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3896"}],"wp:attached-to":[{"embeddable":true,"post_type":"post","id":3894,"href":"https:\/\/bilgitarif.com\/yeni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3894"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}